Following on from a Friday at Fever, I was in the middle of business as such but due to a sore throat I was in desperate need of ice cold h20. After untangling myself, I run into to my kitchen and to my horror I see a past a one-night stand (who is friendly with the guys in my flat) from 2 weeks back lounging around playing xbox. I later discover that due to the paper-thin walls of Old Lafrowda, my flat mate had been unable to get some kip. Announcing this to fellow flatmates, they decide with ex one-night stand in toe to see if they can hear me scream from high heavens. So yes, to confirm my ex one-night stand heard me have a one-night stand.
It was the second day of Freshers, I walked into the kitchen and saw my flatmate. Enough said.
After sweating it up Forum Hill, I run into Newman Blue and jump into the nearest vacant seat. Having known for a few weeks that the guy also did Economics, I had always been tactful in choice of lecture seat. However this time standards slipped, I was sat right behind the guy. The same one who I’d queefed in front of but couldn’t even stomach the thought of saying hello to. The next hour of my life was spent trying to mirror his head movements to remain undetected. I’ll never know if the mission was successful. Top tip: don’t sleep with anyone on your course. Or quite frankly – anyone at University.
House Party. Me and one of the hottest girls in College. My time had come – but a bit too soon if you get me? A fumble on the sofa turned to a tumble in the bedroom, you know the drill. Things had happened a tad quicker than one would’ve desired. A few months down the line no sign of the girl, I had made a lucky escape. Fast forward to a NYE Party and the girl makes her grand re-entrance back into my life whilst I’m snuggled up on the sofa with my girlfriend, brilliant. It gets better, her and her friend decide in their drunken state to chant ‘two-pump chump’ repeatedly for what felt like eternal time. I’ve never wanted the ground to swallow me up more.
Living in halls has its perks, good pre’s, good peeps and an overall laugh. But inevitably there are cases of ‘block incest’. Having just finished up with the girl in the flat opposite, I jumped in some grey trackies and we went off to chill with some block mates who were having an after-sesh down the corridor. We walk in hickies all bare and I come face to face with something I thought I’d never had to, a recent former one-night stand/thing with a girl in the block. But when I walked into that room with just-fucked hair and face struck by the trauma taking place right in-front of my eyes, it was well and truly over. I stared at the floor for what felt like hours, waiting for the small talk to be over and get the hell outta there. Note to self – block incest is a dangerous game.