Thinking about long-distance relationships can be extremely difficult and emotional. The thought of leaving loved ones, being by yourself, and moving away from your safety net is incredibly scary. However, most of us in our lives will have to experience long-distance relationships at some point, whether travelling to another country, moving house, or leaving home. Saying goodbye to family, friends, and partners is the last thing anyone wants to do, because you feel like you are leaving a part of yourself. That can make you feel lonely, scared, and vulnerable. However, learning how to deal with those emotions, and changing your perspective of long-distance relationships into a healthy, positive, and optimistic mindset, is extremely powerful and will prepare you for the future.
Leaving my family, my dogs, and my friends to come to Exeter was one of the most difficult things I have had to do. Throughout first year I was very homesick, and it made me feel anxious, abandoned, and extremely low. I felt like I was oceans apart from my family, even though they were only a train ride away!
I think that society undermines how difficult it is to leave home at a young age and come to Uni, and we fail to recognise it as a long-distance relationship, even though it brings the same pain and sadness. Although you make lots of new friends, have loads of fun, and gain a tonne of independence, those moments when you are alone in your bedroom wishing you had your family to talk to or hug, are the most difficult moments. But remember: you are not alone, and it will get better! I have lived away from home for two years now, and I did not move back home at all this summer because of my job. It has been challenging, and there were times when I wanted nothing more than to be cuddled up on the sofa with my dogs, gossiping about Love Island with my mum and my sister. However, most of the time I have loved being in Exeter, and I honestly view it as my home now.
I believe I achieved this by bringing my safety net to Exeter. I have explored the city and the surrounding towns, familiarised myself with the area, and travelled around Devon and Cornwall to make it feel like I belong here. I got stuck into the Exeter nightlife, went out with my friends, and socialised whenever I could to make sure I was having fun. I also call my family on a regular basis so we can keep each other up to date with how things are going, and just hearing the voice of someone you love brings a great level of comfort and reassurance. Finally, making plans to see your family or go back home is extremely important, as it gives you hope that you will be with your loved ones again soon, which is something to look forward to!
I believe these are some of the tools that have helped me cope with my long-distance relationship whilst being away from my family at Uni. These tools can also be applied to romantic long-distance relationships. Although this isn’t something I have had to experience yet, it is a discussion my boyfriend and I have had quite a lot. Whenever we have talked about it, it becomes a taboo topic which is filled with negativity, because the media presents long-distance relationships as doomed to fail. However, we are trying to change our perspective on this, so we can think about it in a more positive way. We have done this by perceiving long-distance as a means to an end. If we want to grow old together and live a happy life with one another, it is illogical to throw the relationship away because of short-term pain and adjustment. That term, ‘adjustment’, sums up long-distance relationships. It is just change. Change is always scary, but if you have support, reassurance, and communication, change is made much easier and you can become stronger and grow as a person rather than letting the change hurt you. Once you have adjusted to long-distance relationships, and when you have a routine in place so everyone can feel comfortable, long-distance is no longer something to be scared about because it becomes manageable..
Communication is the key to all happy, long-lasting relationships. Humans need communication and interaction with loved ones in order to stay connected, both physically and emotionally. We are incredibly lucky to be living in a time when communication can be had anytime, anywhere. Therefore, our loved ones are never really very far away. My mum always says, “I’m just a phone call away,” and that phrase always comforts me knowing that she is right there whenever I need her. If you focus on healthy communication and interaction, then you are never far away from each other.
“Distance makes the heart grow fonder”, and I truly believe that phrase is true. Distance makes you appreciate your love for someone and the presence they have in your life. We often take our loved ones for granted, but when you are apart, you recognise the impact they have on you and the happiness they bring you. Consequently, this strengthens the relationship and makes you hopeful for your future together.
Therefore, although long-distance relationships are extremely difficult, whether that be with your family, friends, or partner, my best advice is to change your perspective. Rather than letting yourself drown in sadness and loneliness, try to view this time away from them as a chance to develop your relationship and appreciate your connection. As long as you communicate, plan things to do together, and enjoy yourself in your new environment, long-distance can be extremely rewarding. Just give it time, let yourself adjust, and don’t be afraid to express your emotions so you can support one another, ultimately bringing you closer together, no matter the distance