Watching re-runs of Sex in the City in my PJ’s late at night, I saw Carrie sneaking off to San Francisco for her book tour-slash-coincidental rendezvous with the now-ex, tore her heart into little pieces, never again Mr Big. Quote: “I NEED to have sex! […] I want to say ‘Could one of you lie on top of me for a while?’”. What are you doing?? He made you cry expensive mascara stained tears and now you’re going back?? On the one hand, I get it. But then I also want to drag her and lock her in a cupboard until she comes to her senses.
This one is the topic of many a conversation over a bottle of wine with the girls. One of you will test the waters with “so you know my ex…”, and everybody else looks at one another with we knew it eyes in anticipation of what’s to come. Easy girls, the New Girl coined phenomenon “back-sliding” is indeed a slippery slope to the rabbit hole that many a fresh-faced single and jaded ex has fallen down.
In her typically undiplomatic yet wise fashion, Samantha advises “sex with an ex can be depressing. If it’s good, you can’t have it anymore, and if it’s bad you just had sex with an ex”. And this makes me wonder; is it ever a good idea to hook up with an ex?
We’ve all been there; the 2am closing time is looming, you suddenly look up and all you see is couples surrounding you on the Arena dance floor and while the sight of drunken snogging with too much tongue isn’t pretty, right now it’s looking like you’ll be heading home alone with only your Taylor Swift album and possibly a KFC to keep you company.
I wonder if he’s still up…
Here’s the problem. You might wake up and sneak out of the door wearing couture bedhead and genuine eau de shame, immediately regret it, and feel horrific dread at the thought of having to tell your friends. Or you might not. But a one-time thing can easily turn into a two-time thing… before you know it you’re having “the talk” and wondering how the hell you got here. If you broke up once, there’s probably a good reason why.
But there’s something to be said for an ex-couple who actually manage the “let’s be friends” thing and can hook up, shake hands, and move on without any further drama. Perhaps a rare occurrence, but not unheard of. Kind of like spotting the Loch Ness Monster… Kudos if this is you; it is definitely not an easy feat. Seriously, there should be some kind of award for this.
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If it truly is just sex with an ex, you might be safe, and we salute you! The trouble comes when you hook up with your ex one night, then see him with another girl the next, and out comes the green-eyed monster… You are in the danger zone. Get out while you can. Because sex isn’t always just sex and you’re risking bringing up a whole other load of drama when you start feeling “Maybe I still have feelings for him… Does he still have feelings for me??”. It’s never fun to be on the unrequited side of a “just having fun” scenario, so tread carefully.
The Hills’ Lauren Conrad, in all her wisdom, taught us that there’s always that one guy that you will always go back to. Don’t we know it. But the question remains whether it’s ever a good idea to hook up with an ex, and to be honest it doesn’t matter. Whether you can definitively say “go for it” or “are you kidding??”, the reality is at some point in your life you probably will. It’s sort of the mistake you have to make for yourself before you graduate with your “I Slept with My Ex and Lived to Tell the Tale” T-shirt, and join the hordes of retrospective advisors.
“Honey do NOT even go there because in MY experience…”
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