We’re (unbelievably!) almost halfway through the academic calendar, and your thoughts may have turned to next year, and who you’ll want to live with. At HCX we decided to have some fun and find the nine fictional characters who would be the absolute worst to live with. Trust us, it was tough to whittle it down to only nine! So, here are our final picks:
Cathy- Wuthering Heights, Charlotte Brontë
Now. We get you’re broken hearted, Cath, but wailing, tormenting and keening yourself into an early grave over a guy who, frankly (we’re sorry Heathcliff), is an absolute jerk- a bit overly dramatic. She’s the flatmate who keeps you up all night wailing over the one guy who wasn’t even worth her time, and when you’ve had enough, resolves to physically stalking him and his friends. (From beyond the grave, but, you know, just go with it here…) As much as you want to help her, she just can’t get herself out of that pit of misery. Cath, you need some help, girl.
Jay Gatsby- The Great Gatsby, F. Scott Fitzgerald
Jay Gatsby, the tortured, beautiful party king. Yes, he knows how to throw a great party, and your pres would be unfailingly epic if he was around, but what about all that stuff going on underneath? I mean, Daisy Buchanan?! You can do a lot better than that Old Sport. He’ll plan amazing trips and be down for the best of times- but really, he’s only thinking about one thing- the past, and the beautiful girl who seduced him and married another guy. Slick, charming and fun- but probably too preoccupied with his devotion to Daisy to do the dishes, clean the bathrooms or clear up after any of his fabulous ‘friends’.
Bella Swan- Twilight
There’s a special power in looking like you’ve smelt something bad throughout your whole life, Bella Swan certainly has this gift. Those facial expressions though. As much as her brooding approach to life can be a good watch for an hour or so, the tortured vampire lover and her new family might get on our last nerve if we had to live with them consistently. Impending doom, weird imprinting on babies, and the whole “we’ll drain your blood so we can live” thing? Hmm, maybe not. Plus, we’re really not here for Bella’s mood swings. Is she mad at you? Isn’t she? God, exhausting.
The Artful Dodger- Oliver Twist
The Artful Dodger: Pickpocket extraordinaire, scheming leader of Fagan’s crooks, and only 12 or so?!! Charismatic, charming, and an infallible liar, he could get you out of almost any mess. Missed a deadline? Need to stealthily put back that top your friend has been looking for? He’s your guy. However, if you don’t want your rings stolen or a trip to the police station, possibly don’t sign up for any sort of tenancy with this one.
Juliet- Love Actually
Ah- here we come to the most annoying of all the Love Actually characters. Juliet is the archetypal player, marrying one guy and then stringing along his best friend, kissing him after his declaration of undying love… Hun, you’ve got an act to be cleaning up there. As her flatmate, you can tell things are going to get messy, and you don’t want to be subject to screaming rows at 3am. So for this reason, and when she tells you the hundredth time, “I actually look quite pretty,” in yet another club photo, when everyone can see that she is the Aphrodite to your 3 too many tequila shots, show her the door. Also, who wears a short sleeve jumper in the middle of winter?! This girl’s life choices, honestly.
Karen Smith- Mean Girls
Although we find Karen hilarious in many, many ways- and the Plastics trio would not be complete without her, we don’t EVER want to live with her. Not only a serial club night bailer, (…We’ve heard that fake cough too many times Karen. Stop trying to make fetch happen…), she wouldn’t have much to say about any kind of dilemma you approach her with. You: “How should I phrase this sentence in my really-important-life-changing-frighteningly-real grad job application?” Karen: “Well, my boobs tell me there’s a 33% chance that it’s already raining… So that should help.” Yeah, no. We think not.
Lydia and Kitty- Pride and Prejudice
Without a doubt, the most infuriating of Jane Austen’s Bennet sisters. Lydia, the youngest and most gullible sister is described as “vain, ignorant, idle, and absolutely uncontrolled”. A recipe for disaster, don’t you think? With her sidekick Kitty, who tries to seduce the only man her sister Jane has ever loved, she gloats non-stop about her, (frankly, illegal), marriage. Preoccupied only with “matters of the heart” and one-upping every other girl in their ‘conquests’, Kitty and Lydia would be the wort kind of flatmates. “No, I’m sorry, I don’t want to hear how great the 3 guys you got with at TP are, and how I have nobody. I just want to eat my chicken nuggets and go to bed in peace”.
Bridget Jones- Bridget Jones’ Diary
The only problem we could possibly have with dear old Bridge, is her awful tendency to reflect our own lives. Drunken karaoke; getting involved with the wrong men; making new resolutions and failing hilariously to complete them? Bridget is completely lovable because she is so completely us. We just couldn’t cope with having a carbon copy of ourselves running around the place in the form of Bridget Jones, it would destroy our, (already meager), chances of getting any kind of degree. But, Bridge, we do love you and your movies- they never fail to cheer us up when we’re down.
Peeta- The Hunger Games
Peeta, my love, stop trying with the rough, tough, save the world image- we all know you prefer painting cakes. Yes, you’d be the best fed flat in the entire world, and no one can fail to see what a devoted, intelligent and selfless guy Peeta really is. A perfect boyfriend, you could say. However, he’s also kind of useless, and especially to Katniss, who seems to see him as 170lbs of dead weight. He can’t tie a knot and he can’t walk quietly. (Can you imagine him coming in from a night out when you were trying to sleep?! Nightmare.) He can’t cook anything that’s not bread; he can’t use a weapon and he can’t avoid scrapes with death for even a second. We mean, what can he do? And Peeta, we know your name is supposed to be clever and sound like Pitta, but really… come on.
At HCX, this list certainly makes us eternally grateful for our own, real-life, flatmates. It has to be said- as much as we might love these characters in their fictional places, they would be intolerable as flatmates!