It’s 8pm on a Saturday night and your house is throwing a party. The fairy lights are up, the ridiculously strong punch is on the side, and your kitchen is actually clean for once. But as you recover from your Power Nap and hop in the shower, you can’t help but feel a wee bit nervous about the drunken escapades that await you. After a lot of alcohol, the nerves eventually turn to having The Best Night Ever (or at least that’s what your Snapchat Story says) but we can’t deny that there are 7 steps to getting there…
1. ‘Is it OK to drink alone in your room?’
You’re starting to get ready but your heart is speeding like a car on Top Gear as you think about the night ahead. To calm your nerves you decide to crack open your £4 bottle of Rose and have a few swigs. But this harmless fun is spoiled by fears that it’s not OK to drink alone in your room and that you might be turning into Phil Mitchell in Eastenders. You decide to go join your friends as they get ready, and see that they are also pre-drinking alone. You exhale a breath of relief that you don’t need to go to Alcoholics Anonymous.
2. ‘OMG, what if nobody turns up?’
You and your friends sit down in your remarkably clean living room and chat for around 10 minutes before the nerves set in. According to the Facebook event, 100 people are going to your party that started at 8.30. But it’s 8.34 and you guys are still waiting for your first guest. The panic sets in – what if you’re about to get stood up like ‘Slaggy Lindsay’ in Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging?
3. ‘Well, we made the punch so we should drink at least 3/4 of it’
Finally, people start to arrive. It’s all very exciting and strange seeing people from your seminar downing gin from the bottle. You realise that lots of the guests have pre-drunk before they arrived and you and your house need to catch up. You all run to the punch bowl (which is essentially all of your leftover/unclaimed alcohol from previous predrinks mixed in a bowl with some flat lemonade) and play a game called ‘Drink every time you see someone you don’t know’ Needless to say, you’re ridiculously drunk within 15 minutes.
4. ‘Let’s play a game’
You and your house look around your kitchen and see at least 5 different groups, then realise that nobody really knows each other. There’s not much interaction happening between groups and even alcohol (our favourite social lubricant) isn’t breaking the boundaries. It’s time for a game. Flip cup, beer pong, Never Have I Ever…All of the timeless classics are out in full swing and, before you know it, everyone is mingling.
5. ‘Why don’t I hang out with this girl/guy/group more?’
After winning a game of Flip Cup, you and your team realise that you should be best friends. True, you have only just met them – but who can deny the chemistry that you have? You exchange numbers, enter into multiple DMCs and make plans for coffee next week. It’s pretty clear you’ve made friends for life.
6. ‘Is it morally acceptable to go to Mega Kebab?’
You’re approaching your Peak Drunk Level and your stomach is calling out those two words no drunk person can refuse: Cheesy Chips. Naturally, you have no food in your fridge (you’ve been meaning to do a food shop for days/weeks) so you organise a group trip to Mega Kebab. Coats are put on, handbags are found out of nowhere and you and your group are off on your pilgrimage for drunk food. Sure, you and your housemates feel a bit weird about leaving your own house party…but the drunk heart wants what it wants.
7. ‘My housemates are the best’
When you’ve seen the last few guests head off (minus the two or three who have decided to sleep on your sofa) you and your house all collapse in a heap in the kitchen. Drunken kisses and hugs are exchanged and you realise how much you love them. You’ve all had an amazing night making new friends, but you know that your housemates are your BFFs – which is why you’re totally OK with taking it in turns to hold each other’s hair while you vom.