For all of the young ladies out there who struggle with saying no to boys, those who constantly like to walk in and out of our lives, causing more damage than a tornado. I want you to take some advice from Dua Lipa, and her New Rules.
Her song brings on female empowerment saying it is time to put an end to falling into poor situations that leave us feeling hurt and used. You may think you need him and he’s the only one who is going to come along, but I promise you he isn’t. If you give it time someone amazing will come along who will not only want to hangout, during normal daytime hours, but also care how you’re feeling and push you to be a better person.
- Don’t pick up the phone, you know he’s only calling because he is drunk and alone.
Please, do not answer the phone when he calls late night on weekends and you haven’t heard from him since last Saturday when he was inebriated. You deserve more than a two A.M. text saying “wyd” or “come over, I’m bored.” If you’re looking for a casual hook-up that is great, but if you are feeling used and he isn’t changing anything or failing to reciprocate the same emotional level as you are it’s time to let him go. Know your worth.
- Don’t let him in because you’ll have to kick him out again.
Think of this physically and emotionally. Physically do not invite him over, it will only hurt you more in the long run. Plus you don’t want to feel unnecessary pressure from him, to engage in sexual acts, when you could have easily avoided the situation all together just by saying no. This does not mean you have to be rude, simply saying you aren’t interested will do. Emotionally letting him in your life is just as big as the physical aspect, your mental health is just as important as you physical health. By letting him in you are opening the doors, to let him walk on your feelings. If you have openly expressed to him that you want more than a hook-up and he’s made it clear that he’s not interested in pursuing that with you, then it is time to love yourself, put your emotions first and cut the ties.
- If you’re under him, you ain’t getting over him.
This is the honest to God truth, if you are still hooking up with him, and nothing is changing you aren’t moving forward with your life. If you are looking for a partner or long term relationship, you are not going to find it drunk, at two A.M. with a casual hook-up. I know some part of you hopes that he will change, but most likely he’s not going to.
Finally, this is not to discourage casual hook-ups, it is college and it is time to experiment. Just remember to watch out for yourself and your feelings. Try to be as open as possible with communication when diving into new adventures with new people. If new feelings do arise then it might be time for you to make new rules with the person you are hooking up with. Always make sure you are on the same page when engaging in hook-ups. And most importantly remember you are strong, beautiful and deserve to be loved and if you’re ever not feeling that way then you’re not with the right person.
Love Yourself First