Learning How To Trust Again
Mya Kermelewicz
Often times in life we are let down by people we love, and that’s usually something very hard to cope with and move on from. Sometimes I think we put so much faith and trust into people, giving them these expectations because we know that is what we would do for others. We know we will give our all to them, so we expect that they will always do the same for us. Unfortunately, that isn’t always the case. Learning to trust someone again after your heart has been broken, deceived, or played can be incredibly challenging. So here are a few tips for learning how to move on and trust again, but it’s important to note that there is no time limit on this and what might work for me might not work for you. So don’t ever get discouraged, just find what is best for you and your own situation.
Allow some grieving time & take it all in
Yes, you can cry for a little bit. You can throw yourself a pity party for a night. You’ve been hurt and your feelings are valid, you deserve some time to be sad. BUT don’t let it last too long because you’re strong and you know it. Don’t be holding yourself as ‘only the victim’ forever. You are more than a victim and you have to be embracing that and flaunting all the amazing aspects that make you who you are.
Choose to forgive
Now remember I’m not saying forget! These are valuable lessons you take with you and you learn from. You can keep up a little bit of a guard and try to not let yourself be naive. You don’t want to be messed with the same way 10 times, there’s a saying for that – “fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.” You’re smarter than these people breaking your heart! But with that said, you have to let it go at some point. Bottling up all that anger just isn’t healthy, it will only be hurting you at this point. Let your soul be free of anger, and just forgive. It won’t make you weak, you’re doing that for yourself.
Begin to trust YOURSELF
Often times when someone hurts you it can be easy to spiral into this long, dark tunnel of the “what ifs.” You question everything you have done and who you are and wind up thinking that you deserved whatever happened to you. This is the worst, worst, worst thing you could do to yourself. You need to be supporting yourself, and loving yourself instead of punishing yourself for something that someone else did to you. Know yourself and your worth!
Recognize it won’t always be the same
Not every single person in your life is going to hurt you, or at least not to an extreme extent. This is very important that you don’t hold everyone new in your life to the standard you hold the past person who hurt you. It isn’t fair to always be comparing them because you don’t know if they are the same and you will probably end up driving them away, letting a good thing go. I know there is always that chance they are the same and there are a lot of “what ifs,” but living that way is going to be an extremely lonely life. You have to allow yourself to fully live and love if you want to be at peace.