She literally almost froze to death on that bench, bare pale arms wrapped around her tank top in the chilly
December air.
Since this was in middle school, I don’t judge her too harshly for employing this tactic to prompt him to offer his jacket. I do judge her because the jacket in question was MY boyfriend’s Patagonia—but that is beside the point.
The point is, sometimes girls do undeniably dumb stuff to attract male attention.
Often it’s harmless: referencing his favorite TV show in your Facebook status in hopes of an approving comment; filling your course schedule with cl
asses you know he’ll be taking; mildly stalking him after he walks by your lunch table…
Sometimes, however, girls get a little crazy with their attempts to get guys. And sometimes these attempts illustrate or result in a totally unhealthy mental state—or, in the case of my middle school pal, a mild case of hypothermia. Every now and then, we all need to take a step back and make sure the actions we take are genuine expressions of our own opinions and ideas—and not something induced by some whey protein-chugging dude.
Tons of women dye their hair. Virtually all celebrities do, my mom does, and about a half of my friends at the very least get highlights. But what does this beauty routin
e reflect when performed with a specific dude in mind? Miley Cyrus dyed her hair black after she and Nick Jonas broke up a while back; Reese Witherspoon and Sandra Bullock changed up their locks with post-divorce bangs. My roommate, whose adorable twin brother reportedly “goes for blondes,” laughingly recalls a smitten girl from high school who bleached out her brunette tresses in a misguided attempt to win his affections.
I fully believe that changing your hair to liven up your look is healthy and entertaining (unless the new ‘do in question resembles a mullet). Changing the way you look as a form of post-break-up closure is slightly more questionable, but I can buy into dying for the purpose of physically signifying some newfound single-dom.
However, dying your hair to morph yourself into some preconceived notion of what one particular guy finds
most attractive is just plain dumb. It subtly shows that you don’t believe you’re good enough the way you are to attract said dude. Ladies, please don’t ever bleach away your integrity for a guy. If he thinks you’re cool, he’ll go for you regardless of the way you match up to his “type”—and for the record, my rooomie’s bro is now dating a brunette.
Another little thing we girls do on occasion is take up the hobbies of a love interest. This brings up a bizarrely vivid childhood memory of mine concerning my favorite third grade TV show, Lizzie McGuire. To get that hunky albeit not-very-bright classmate to develop a crush on her, Lizzie started “liking” the same foods and movies as him. Finally, after a little golf (their newfound shared passion), Lizzie’s hunk confessed to her that though it was awesome they had so much in common, they just didn’t have “what’s that subject I’m never gonna pass? Oh yeah—chemistry.”
I’ve had friends instantly become obsessed with sports teams, TV shows and random bands because of a guy. One even stopped showering daily because her hipster boyfriend was into the “natural look”—whatever that’s supposed to mean. Granted, it’s one thing to discover that you and prince charming really bond over cooking his grandma’s famous lasagna. It’s a different matter entirely when you suddenly turn into an expert on fly-fishing the minute he invites you to his lake house.
Discovering a new mutual interest or even growing to appreciate his hobby fosters a good relationship with a dude; forcing yourself to “like” his same interests is just a lie that will eventually reveal itself, or else leave you sitting on a dock, holding a fishing pole and bored out of your mind. Dear Lizzie’s message to 10-year-olds rings true through the ages.
We’re all guilty of a little excessive flirting. I’ll
even admit that a couple of years ago, I frequently wore my hair in pigtail braids because my boyfriend at the time thought it was cute…
But dramatically changing a fundamental part of your appearance or faking that you enjoy a hobby that secretly bores you to tears is not a healthy—or even effective—way to win a guy’s affection. It will only result in a mild identity crisis or the promise of many yawn-worthy outings to come with someone who has a false impression of you.
My middle school friend shivered for an hour in the cold at our lunch table that day. Everyone asked why she hadn’t brought a jacket; sneaking embarrassed glances at Patagonia boy, she kept her blue lips shut. The next day, she sniffled over to our lunch table and sat down at the opposite end from that elusive 8th grade boy, smiling as she buttoned up her favorite cream-colored coat.