Prompt: “My ideal date is…”
Response: “Hitting the gym and grabbing Chipotle”
When did casual dates become THIS casual? I mean Chipotle and a movie at home would be fine, but the gym? What do you want our next date to be—going to the bank? Returning a shirt at H&M?
Prompt: “I’m looking for…”
Response: “Someone who likes adventures”
If you want to traverse through middle-earth and defeat Smaug I’m down, but if your idea of an “adventure” is taking me to an abandoned parking lot for unsatisfying sex (more common than you would think) I’ll pass.
Prompt: “Dating me is like…”
Response:”Dating a Golden Retriever”
Ew.
Prompt: “You should leave a comment if…”
Response: “You like food and naps”
I’m BEGGING you to give me something to work with past basic human bodily functions. Yes, I like to sleep. Yes, I like to eat. I also like breathing, blinking, and drinking water. Is that what you’re looking for? Is that all you want in a woman?
Prompt: “The best way to ask me out is to…”
Response: “Ask me out”
You think you’re soooo funny don’t you? You just think you’re sooooooooo witty, huh? Well you aren’t. You aren’t special. It’s not funny. I’ve seen this stupid response more than I’ve seen my own damn grandparents. Shut up. Shut the hell up.
To all who are reading this, please heed my warning: do not use these prompt/response combinations on Hinge. Every time I scroll past one of these, I grow closer and closer to becoming that woman from “The Yellow Wallpaper.” Want my unsolicited advice? Write something specific, honest, and interesting instead. I guarantee you will be pleased with the results.