People tend to stress during times in their life when they are experiencing being single or not having an established friend group or career. We are constantly facing these situations—I personally experienced this myself during my freshman year of college. Even though these experiences can be difficult, I think that there is a silver lining in them. It is important for individuals to be able to establish decisions on their own terms. We tend to get scared or nervous with the thought of being on our own, it is out of our nature. People get so comfortable whether they are in a relationship or friends group, so when either one goes away, it feels like a loss. Even though the change can be disruptive and stressful, it gives us the capacity to grow in ways we would never expect.
During my freshman year I went through a very difficult situation with my first friends that I had met at college during the fall. There was no way for the issue to be resolved or for everything to go back to how it was before all that had happened. I chose to break away from them—I had to start fresh all over again. I was not happy with how I was treated, I knew that removing myself was the best choice. I went from having everything to nothing, I did not know where to start. It was one of the most loneliest and isolating experiences that I have ever been through. I’ve never experienced a situation so hurtful like this before. I was so lost, and it was difficult for me to stay positive. There were many times where I would study, get some meals, and go to cafes or events on my own. It felt odd and uncomfortable because I had been so used to having certain people to do activities with, so it was a new adjustment. The situation pushed me to go out of my comfort zone by joining new clubs, going to different events and to become more involved. I even met a good friend who was supposed to be my roommate for this year by joining Her Campus.
Doing this allowed me to make new friendships and gave me a new boost of confidence I did not have before. I realized that it was okay to do things on my own, that I did not need to have a big group with me, and I was no longer anxious about it. There is a notion in society which conveys that we need to be with others or that being on our own has a negative connotation. I learned so much about myself during this process, that I had the strength to be resilient and push forward. I felt so good being able to do it and be on my own towards the end of that period; it was liberating. I went from being anxious about being on my own, to feeling strong. It is during times like these whether it is leaving people not right for you, a breakup or quitting from a job when we actually discover ourselves.
We see things that we did not notice before in those moments because we get so consumed that we sometimes ignore the red flags. Once we remove ourselves and are independent, we are able to grow. There is a really compelling interview with Taylor Swift from Billboard, and she says “I felt like making a pop album, so I did. I felt like being very honest and unapologetic about it, so I did. I felt like moving to New York — I had no reason to, it wasn’t for love or business — so I did. I felt like cutting my hair short, so I did that, too. All these things are in keeping with living my life on my own terms.” This could not be explained any better, it is very inspirational. Taylor made all of these events happen simply because she wanted to, there was no one standing in her way. She was driven by what made her satisfied and happy, not by what others thought. Swift explains the magic in being on our own so well, because we are left with so much room for opportunity and self expression. Taylor talks more about this in a video interview from CBC on Youtube as well, where she goes more into this discussion that I really love.
Once I was able to make decisions for my own well being and put myself first, I felt free. It was as if a weight had dropped—I was happy and in a positive environment with supportive people. If I had not gone through this strenuous experience, I wouldn’t have made the friendships that I have now and different choices would have been made. As grueling as it all was, there is beauty in it because I learned to put myself first and not let a toxic situation hinder my outlook on life. During that time, I was so concerned with how everyone else was feeling and what they thought, that I forgot about myself. Once I broke away from those people and focused on myself, I was able to see where I wanted to be. I believe that it is important for people to go through life-changing experiences like mine and other situations that put us in this position. The outcomes allow us to be more independent because we learn what we really want, define our values and truly find self-love.