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Moving On From Your First Love

Your first love—it was exciting, endearing, and cultivating. It made you feel a way you never thought you could. Never in a million years did you think you could care about someone so much that you would put all of their needs above your own. Your first love was your entire world. They were your everything, and every aspect of your love was perfect… until it wasn’t.

You spent months, even years, aiming to please that special someone. You put your needs aside for so long just so you could see that smile or that glimmer of happiness appear on the face of the person you loved so deeply. You would dismiss the red flags, the fights, the tears, just because you thought they were worth it. You envisioned a future; painted a picture in your head of what that future entailed. You never thought you could see this person any differently, and you certainly never imagined your love could fade… until it did.

You began to see a side of them you never saw before. You started to notice the red flags, you developed insecurities about the fights, and you could not longer stand to be consumed by the tears. You saw the selfishness, you became aware of your happiness that you were putting aside. You told them things had to change, but they were comfortable and they didn’t take you seriously. You gave them chance after chance, just hoping the love you once shared could be saved. You held on as long as you could… until you couldn’t.

You let go. You struggled in sadness, tried to hide the tears, and pretended you were okay. You put on a face that couldn’t possibly let people know you weren’t eating, sleeping, or feeling every bit of pain that came along with losing someone who had once been your everything. You constantly questioned, “How can I go from talking to someone all day, everyday to not talking to them at all?” You gave yourself time, but you missed them. You contemplated taking them back, but then wondered what that would mean for everything you just went through. You were forced to constantly remind yourself why you left. You never thought the questioning of yourself, the constant sadness, or the recurring memories of everything you ever did together would subside… until they did.

You started exploring a life without them. You invested your time into your friends, some new found hobbies, and into doing the things that bring you happiness. You were finally putting yourself first, living a life under nobody’s rules but your own. You rediscovered your dreams and developed a need to reach all of them. You saw your life in a whole different light. You dreamt of your future, and it was a future that, for the first time, didn’t include him. You felt empowered by the thought of being so fiercely independent, but you still felt that something, or someone, was missing. You tried to fill the void. You tried to see other people, but nothing felt right. After so much time, you began to doubt you would ever find someone that made you feel the way they did… until you did.

Tatum Fales

Emmanuel '20

I am a senior at Emmanuel College with a major in Communication and Media Studies. My hobbies include writing, listening to music, yoga, and binge watching all things reality TV.
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