When I came out to my parents this past June, I had the luxury of knowing that they would probably be okay with me being bisexual. It is sad to know that not many people have that same privilege as me. Although, the worry was always in the back of my head that they would not understand what bisexuality was, or if they would see me differently. To much avail, they were very accepting when I told them. But, they did ask too many of those questions I was dreading to answer.
“How do you know if you like girls? You have only dated boys before.”
This question and comment in particular fed into my already internalized biphobia against myself. For months upon months, I tried to convince myself that I was in fact not bisexual and that I was just going through a phase. I felt as if the contemplations of my own sexuality were insulting to the LGBTQIA+ community. If I did not feel as if I was 100% attracted to females, I thought that I was not bisexual. The biphobic rhetoric in my head was reflective of the struggles that many bisexuals deal with when misinformation is ingrained in our minds.
In understanding bisexuality, there is huge importance in fluidity. You do not have to have a 50/50 attraction to males and females, you can like either gender as much as you want. Sexuality is not one or the other, there is a whole spectrum one can find themselves on. If somebody who is bisexual leans more towards being attracted to females, that does not mean they do not like males, and vice versa.
It is important to mention that being bisexual means that one is emotionally, romantically, or sexually attracted to more than one sex, gender, or gender identity. Although the “bi” in bisexual would make someone assume that one is attracted to two genders, bisexuality does not exclude those who are transgender or non-binary. People will commonly assume that pansexuality, the attraction to all genders, is the only sexuality that includes that component. Although both sexualities are very similar, they are different and equally valid.
It took me a while to come to terms with my sexuality, not because I was biphobic in any way, but I felt as if I was not worthy because I was uneducated on what bisexuality truly was. Becoming educated on my sexual orientation helped me find who I truly was. There is no “one size fits all” in the realm of sexuality. People seek to look for solid and perfect answers in life, but they will not find that here. Realizing that everybody is different in their own sexual preferences can help defeat the misunderstandings of the LGBTQIA+ community. Loving and accepting oneself is the first step to coming to terms with their own sexuality, and I am glad to say I have learned to be unapologetically myself because of this.