Why My Rabbit Could Be a World Leader

This could be the spot for some killer political commentary, but between social distancing, everyone working from home and quarantines, there’s enough on TV to go around.

So, I thought I would talk about the love of my life, my rabbit. Considering that he is an animal, I am not social-distancing from my little angel, but I would not hesitate to do so if there was any need. Hollenicus, or “Holland” in a more formal setting, has been the pinnacle of our family since 2011 when we went to a fair and came home with him in a cardboard box. Soon enough, he was using his litter box and roaming around the living room. When he got especially feisty, he would climb the two stairs out of the living room and bite on the gate we had set up. We would let him out and he would slide around the hardwood floors of the first floor.

He’s ten years old now, going to be eleven soon, so he has let go of some of his more rambunctious activities. He doesn't come up to the first floor anymore and just stays in the living room, which is now “Holland’s Room.”

Now, he enjoys eating the walls and carpets, throwing hay everywhere and begging for food. The usual for my boy.

We are obsessed with him, and in this time of uncertainty, I hope you can join me in loving this pure little being. Without further ado, here are ten reasons why Hollenicus can and should be a future world leader.

 

  1. 1. He is hygienic

    Holland cleans himself fifteen to thirty times a day. If you touch him, he cleans himself immediately afterwards, because “contamination.” He has never had a shower or bath, but he still smells like flowers and vanilla, so his tongue is adequate.

  2. 2. He is kind

    The boy doesn’t have a mean bone in his body. He kisses, snuggles, and never bites or scratches. When he’s done with hanging out, he walks away, and we respect him. So few words, so much understanding.

  3. 3. He is easy on the eyes

    You could stare at him all day, just ask my family. We watch him do mundane things, like lick himself and bite his wood sticks. It never gets old.

  4. 4. He is patient

    Hollenicus will wait for his food for hours, and I do mean hours, and just stare at it. He will look at the kitchen and then look at his bowl, over and over again, and then eventually nap in front of his bowl.

  5. 5. He is quiet

    Holland has made four noises his entire life, and three were sneezes. Other than that, he just twitches his nose, scampers around and bites things very loudly. He does NOT talk over other people and does not lie.

  6. 6. He has lived a long time

    Holland is ten years old, so that makes him about 75 human years old. That’s around the same age of the political candidates of the 2020 Presidential Election, except he’s a lot more likeable.

  7. 7. He cares about others

    If you lie on the floor and pretend to be dead, he immediately comes over to investigate and sniff your entire body. A hands on approach.

  8. 8. He cannot get COVID-19

    Hollenicus is a rabbit and animals, as far as we know, cannot get the virus. Also, he has been in quarantine since three months old, so he is safe and able to lead us in this time of crisis.

  9. 9. He is cautious

    Holland doesn’t rush into anything. He surveys the scene and then slowly inches his way on his tippy toes around, sniffing for clues before he makes any broad hops. He does NOT hop to conclusions.

  10. 10. He has great teeth

    Holland has the best little teeth. That's a bonus.