I’m Lexi, I’m in my third (and last) year of college, I’m a WLP, and I’ve been in an amazing relationship with my first and only boyfriend for almost five months. Honestly I couldn’t be happier about the fact that this is my first relationship.
I’m going to be honest, for a big part of high school and even for some semesters in college I’ve been obsessed with the idea that I want or need a boyfriend. There were even moments in high school where I thought is there something wrong with me that nobody has asked me out? But here’s the thing: I wasn’t asking anyone out either. Nothing was wrong with me or anyone else in the situation. Sometimes I had intense crushes, but there was no way I wanted to make a move. Lots of times I didn’t have a crush on anyone, and I wanted to be in a relationship more because I wanted to have a relationship like the ones that made me swoon in my favorite YA romance novels. Even when I did have crushes they were pretty superficial, based mostly on looks or even because somebody else told me I’d make a cute couple with this other person or that they thought this other person might like me. When I crushed on my boyfriend, however, it was so much more than that. It wasn’t just because I found him attractive, but that he seemed funny, smart, creative, and kind (and when we started dating I realized there was so much more to love about him).
I met my boyfriend on Tinder, and oddly enough I wasn’t even on Tinder expecting to start a conversation with anyone. When I found him I wasn’t desperate to be in a relationship, I started my relationship with him because I’d never felt that way about someone, because the conversations are easy, I enjoy being around him, and he makes me feel at peace (which for someone who spends a lot of her time feeling stressed, this was really big thing for me). When I swiped right on his profile it wasn’t just because I found him attractive (although that did help) it was because the way he set up his profile was so unique and he seemed so interesting I knew I’d regret it if I didn’t try to talk to him.
Now, let me circle back to when I said I never asked anyone out either. I’m a pretty shy person. It takes me quite a bit of time to open up to people, and starting conversations with random people is not something I usually do willingly. I tried one other dating app once or twice before using Tinder for the first (and only) time. The other dating app was Bumble, where if it’s a match between a woman and a man the woman has to message first. I matched with a couple people, and I think I might’ve messaged one person on there right before the time expired. I was scared to ask anyone out in person before, and I thought using a dating app would alleviate that, but even when I tried the first app I was nervous. I figured at least with Tinder I didn’t have to be the one to instigate anything. But when the right guy came along (yup, my boyfriend), I was more than ready to be the first one to send the message, and I did. Again, I knew I would regret passing up this situation, and while I did freak out quite a bit before and after I sent the first message, I was so happy I did. It proved to me that when it’s right for me, I’ll put aside any fears or hold-ups and take my chance.
Finally, I’m happy I waited to jump in to my first relationship because it gave me the chance to get a good idea of who I am as a person. I am, and was, at a point in my life where I have a pretty good sense of what matters to me, things I love, and things I’m not okay with. And while I could’ve still had that journey if I invited someone else into my life, I appreciate that I’ve had the chance to focus more on myself than I might have should I have gone into a relationship at a time when I thought it was so crucial to defining myself and my self-worth. Waiting gave me a chance to learn to love myself on my own. And one of my favorite things about my boyfriend and our relationship is that we both want to help and watch each other grow. We both know that we can go to great places in our lives, and we’re not in the business of slowing each other down. But we’re also not of the mindset that the other person needs us to help them. We both have an understanding of our own selves, and we’re both pretty independent, but we’re also both interested in being a team and helping each other on our own journeys, as well as experiencing the journey of our relationship.