Everyone knows how daunting long distance relationships can be. You move away to college and you and your high school sweetheart try your best to make things work, and as much as most of us try, distance seems to always win. Frequently when people decide to enter long distance relationships, it is because they don’t want to leave the relationship they have been in for years. Put simply, they are in love, and they don’t want to lose the person they love.
So what happens when you meet someone at your summer job who you hit it off with? Do you let what could be an amazing love story slip away because of a little distance? Or do you try to make it work and hope that distance doesn’t break you up? Do you pretend like you want to remain friends? Do you try to forget they exist?
Well let me just tell you, there is no easy answer. However, if you find yourself in such a predicament as I did recently, hopefully this can help you out. I’m not going to pretend like my decision-making skills are the hard and fast answer to your problems. However, hopefully taking a walk through my thought process will help you see the decision you have to make.
I first met Michael at work, as I mentioned previously, and if we’re being honest, my first thought was “wow he’s attractive.” However, that was immediately squandered by the thought of “yeah okay, like I’d ever have a shot in hell with that guy. He definitely has a girlfriend.” Clearly I’ve never been the most confident in myself, but I really didn’t think Michael would ever look my way, and so I went on with my business of answering questions and didn’t give much more thought to it.
However, someone (A.K.A. Michael) had a lot of questions. Whether it was “forced” interaction with me because he didn’t know how to talk to me otherwise, or genuine confusion (as he was just starting the job), I know he won’t admit to why he had so many questions, but as you all should know, I was secretly grateful for it. He had a way of making me feel intelligent (maybe because I was answering his questions), and he genuinely disclosed I was the one he trusted most for answers out of the two of us who had been answering their questions (sorry Casey).
During that time, I was working a lot of overtime due to the nature of the job, and he was there as well nearly every night. When the calls began to die down, we found ourselves in conversations that were engaging an intriguing, and I was in disbelief that we got along so well, because of course, you never expect to meet someone who you hit it off with in the middle of your summer job after talking to customers all day. But alas, at the end of that week I moved back to my actual desk and got back on the phones myself rather than answering questions for people who had just gotten hired. Admittedly, I realized I was going to miss talking to him every night in between calls, but again, I didn’t really think anything of it because I knew my contract only had a month or so left.
However, despite being back at my own desk, I was still getting questions from a lot of the new hires I had been previously working with. One of whom was Michael. We talked constantly, usually about work and the calls we were getting so I could answer his questions; I genuinely enjoyed talking to him and hearing what he had to say about different things.
Over the next few days we continued talking more and more and according to our colleagues, we were the perfect couple. There was a lot of buzz surrounding our relationship, or in this case, current lack thereof, when Casey turned to me and asked if I would be interested in dating him. It took me off guard because up until this point, I didn’t really think of our relationship existing. Being that I was leaving, this was a major concern, as I realized in this moment that I would in fact consider dating him (granted he wanted that as well and we had to continue to get along).
Once I told Casey that, she took it and ran with it. Between her and our other coworkers (big shout out here to Jessica), they deduced that our feelings were mutual (which I think everyone who wasn’t the two of us could see was obvious). Through a tad bit of chaos, (because I think accidently messed up his plan of asking me in person by going home with a migraine) Michael ended up asking me on a date not long thereafter.
If I’m being honest, I knew after the first date that he was going to be different, and I knew that it was going to make my decision much harder because he quite literally swept me off my feet and I didn’t want to let that go. At first I thought to myself that if we went on a date and it didn’t go well, my decision would have been easy. However, after our date I realized that it wasn’t going to be that way because of how I felt after. I felt comfortable and nothing seemed forced. After our date I sat in my car in disbelief because I was so surprised at how I felt. It left me floating, and the feeling lasted for the next few days. Every time I saw him, I instantly felt like that, which truthfully scared me a little. I questioned if I was ready for a relationship, and when I realized I was, I also remembered the looming factor that is frankly the point of this article…I was leaving in a few weeks.
So, as any sane person would do, I decided to go out with him again. And…Again…after that. After our third date, Michael asked me if I wanted to date him, and like any super enthusiastic person who was really interested in the other person, I said no. Yup, I did. I panicked (and I’m pretty sure he is still salty about it but alas, now we are here). As I’m sure you’re wondering, how did we get here to this moment? The moment where I am writing this article about my boyfriend if I said no to dating him? I really don’t know if there is much of a reason, however, I can say that I did tell him no, and that I really needed to think about whether I should date him. Upon thinking it over, I realized one thing. I was being stupid. Really stupid.
While I clearly made the right decision in the end, I want to walk you through my thought process, so hopefully you understand how we got to where we are. I was hesitant when he first asked me if I wanted to officially date because I knew it was going to involve my impending move back to Boston. I also knew that we hadn’t talked about it prior to him asking me to date him exclusively. However, being the person that I am, I told him point blank why I hesitated, and even though he took a step back, he understood where I was coming from. Eventually, over the next few days we ended up having a long discussion about how to handle the situation, because between both our schedules and the hour or so drive between each other with no means of transportation, we knew it was going to be hard. In fact, we came to the conclusion that a long distance relationship would suck. When we came to that conclusion, I realized how sad I was that this wasn’t going to work. I was actually upset with the fact that someone who I had just met already meant so much to me. I was angry that I finally found something good, and because I was moving, I wouldn’t get to experience a healthy, loving, relationship. He made me feel special, and I didn’t want to give up that feeling because of a little distance. I told him to ask me to date him again. He did; I said yes.
Truthfully, looking back, I know that in that moment, I realized I didn’t want to let love pass me by, and I’m pretty glad Michael was in the same place. Having both been amazed by how easily our relationship started (shout out to all the people who were pushing for us to go out), neither of us were ready to let go of this thing that had barely even started. Which, is pretty rad if you think about it. We decided to give it a go, and if it didn’t work out, sure it would be sad, but we would hate ourselves for not trying to make it work at the very least.
So maybe people think I’m crazy for trusting someone and wanting to date someone who I only get to see once a week (if we’re lucky), but I don’t think that you should ever let an opportunity to be happy pass you by. My boyfriend is one of the sweetest people I’ve ever met, and we have so many things in common that I think it’s worth at least trying to make it work. I can’t imagine my life without him, and talking to him, even if it’s just a text here and there, always makes me smile. I don’t want anyone to think it’s easy, because it isn’t. It takes a lot of compromising on both of our ends, and involves a lot of lonely nights wishing we could watch movies or go to dinner together. In the end, we can’t guarantee that we’ll work out either, but I know that as I fall more and more head over heels for him, that I made the right choice.
So, all in all, there is one major take away that I want you to get through reading this story. That is if you think that there is a lot of potential in a relationship, whether romantic or otherwise, then distance shouldn’t be a problem. A factor, maybe, but it will prove to you who is really worth sticking around for in the end. I am confident that my boyfriend is committed to our relationship just as much as I am, which is evident through our four hour phone calls and constant texting and communication. I don’t think that the situation is perfect, but we both know that it is temporary, and thus, the payoff will hopefully be worth it in the end. While our relationship is still rather young, I know that we have built a solid foundation, despite that foundation spanning the hour long gap between us. I’m excited to see where this goes, and I’m happy that he decided to go along on the adventure with me. So if you’re considering being with someone long distance, have a conversation with them about it, and maybe even try to make it work. You never know what could happen!