Many singles are still recovering from the loneliness of spending the holidays sans significant other when Valentine’s Day comes along throwing heart-shaped candies everywhere and shoving love down all our throats. Can you sense my distaste for it? Being a college student means reveling in the constant struggle between romantic desire and college hookup culture, leaving little room for Valentine’s Day antics. While some people find no struggle within this dichotomy, others—more after my own heart—may find frustration in the lack of real emotion and depth in romantic relationships of people our age. But is this assessment unfair? Does romance in college really exist, even if only for the really lucky ones?
When looking at common assumptions, one might say decidedly that the answer is no. College dating has a reputation for verging on the casual more often than the romantic. From personal experience and the experiences of those around me, this seems to be true. Most college students feel like maintaining a relationship or even making time for dating requires expert levels of time management, a skill many people our age are still developing. There also seems to be this struggle between men’s association with hypermasculinity and sleeping around and the most women’s idea that college will be where they find a [lifelong] partner.
Unfortunately, the statistics on college dating are still a little bit murky. There hasn’t been much up to date research done to document how students are conducting themselves romantically in a college setting. Some studies, like this one used in an NBC News article, claim that college dating is very much alive and thriving. The study formulated by the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships uses data collected by an Online College Social Life Survey between 2005 and 2011 where they surveyed around 22,500 students on “whether students hooked up, dated, formed long-term romantic relationships, or did not form relationships while in college and their desire for these relationship opportunities.”
The study found that around 51% of college students reported being in a long-term relationship and 60% reported having been on a traditional date since entering college. Still, the study found that 67% of female students wished they had more opportunities for a long-term relationship and a surprising 71% of male students surveyed felt this way as well. Yes, this data is surprising and refreshing, seeming to suggest that romance in college is not a myth. But these numbers were collected almost eight years ago. With the introduction of popular dating apps and increased use of social media, the dating landscape hasn’t just changed but has been transformed by the way we communicate and view others. There’s really no way to tell if the assumptions made based on these numbers still hold true today without conducting new research.
In my opinion, romance in college is as hard to find as a single who’s genuinely excited for Valentine’s Day, and hookup culture isn’t the only reason why it’s scarce. College students are busy, stressed, and hardly have time to sleep let alone date. I barely know anyone in college who’s in a committed, long-term relationship. It’s not the norm. But that doesn’t mean you can’t have romance. Truly, half of romance is caring for someone else and showing it. Do a secret Valentine gift exchange with your friends this year or go on a friend date every once in awhile when you’re feeling romantically deprived. Develop a crush every now and then, and shoot your shot when you have the chance. Romance in college may be hard to come by, but you never know when you might be the lucky one.