Remember that guy you met during orientation and immediately hit it off with? Or maybe he was the one in your class last semester who asked you to coffee before the first big test. You know who I’m talking about. That’s right, the guy who is now your boyfriend of several months. For me, it was the guy on my floor. The one who started out as “just a friend,” and turned into “something more.” We’ve been dating almost six months now, and a few weeks ago we hit a rough patch. The first five months were great, but then it happened. The “Honeymoon Stage” ran its course. We started arguing over everything, stopped listening to each other, and simply weren’t having fun. Now we’re back and better than ever, but it was a tough time for both of us. I’ve come out a stronger person though, and I’m ready to share what I’ve learned. Below are 5 steps that I personally believe can revive a relationship once it is past the honeymoon stage.
1. Communicate
It may seem obvious, but it’s true what they say – communication is key. After the first few months, it’s easy to expect your partner to automatically know what you’re thinking. Well let me tell you, no one is a mind reader. You can’t expect your significant other to know what is bothering you, or even that you are upset at all, unless you tell them. My boyfriend and I try to talk every day about anything that the other one did that irritated or affected us in any way. We made a promise to be open and honest with one another at all times, and it really works.
2. Go out for real
Chances are, as the months progressed, you went on fewer and fewer “real” dates. You stopped trying to impress each other by dressing up and going somewhere new and exciting. You’re probably reading this while they’re in the same room, and you’re most likely rocking sweatpants and a big t-shirt. There’s nothing wrong with that at all, but there’s also nothing wrong with wanting to look good for someone you love (or really, really like). So take the time to go on a “real” date, and don’t leave it all up to the guy. Plan something together that you’ll both enjoy, and make an effort – both for yourself and for your beau. Dress up, spend that extra few dollars on flowers or a fancy dinner, and most importantly, don’t spend another Saturday night together in your dorm room trying to watch a bad Netflix movie (but really checking Twitter).
3. Spice it up (and make it sweet)
Though physical attraction isn’t everything, it is an important aspect of every relationship. If you’re dating someone, there’s a pretty good chance you find that person attractive. So don’t let the passion fizzle! If you’re looking for a way to turn up the heat on your love life, a trip to Victoria’s Secret never hurts. If you want something less risqué (and less expensive), here’s an idea: For Valentine’s Day, I got my boyfriend a coupon book with over 20 different kinds of kisses. From an afternoon of cuddling and kissing, to watching a chick flick and kissing every time the actors do, the book puts a creative spin on making out. You can even make your own coupon book, with coupons good for “one massage,” or “watching his favorite movie this time.” Sweet gestures are just as essential as spicy ones.
4. Stop searching for perfection
Relationships are a two-way street, and with that comes the idea of perfection. It’s time to stop waiting for your boyfriend or girlfriend to be the “perfect” guy or girl. As much as I hate to admit it, life isn’t a Nicholas Sparks book, or a Disney movie. You aren’t perfect, so why should you expect your significant other to be? Instead of looking for their flaws, focus on what you love about your boyfriend or girlfriend. Think about how they first caught your eye, and what they did to keep your attention. It’s easy to point out everything that’s wrong with a person, but we all have our faults. Be fair to your partner, and you can expect the same in return.
5. Remember to love yourself first!
This may be a bad cliché, but I firmly believe in it. You can’t love someone else until you love yourself. Of course it’s a constant work in progress–we all get down on ourselves sometimes–but make an effort to keep your confidence up! Fully accepting who you are, what strengths you possess, and what things you can work to improve is the first step to being happy with someone else. None of the previous tips matter if you’re only dating the person to feel better about yourself. You shouldn’t be in the relationship in the first place if all you’re getting out of it is a self-esteem boost.
Relationships take work. You get out of them what you put in. Long-term dating shouldn’t be about instant gratification. So take it slow and put in the effort; it will be well worth it. If you’re really struggling coming out of the honeymoon stage, don’t act impulsively. Try these five steps before you make any rash decisions. If you’ve done all you can and you’re still not happy, it might be best for both of you to end it. But remember to be optimistic. You don’t want to lose someone truly great in a moment of frustration. Take my story as proof: there is hope for a promising future after the initial excitement fades.