For as long as I can remember, I have been quiet. In kindergarten I can distinctly recall blushing as I stared at my crush from across the classroom. At that age, many of my friends would storm up to their crushes and declare their love; but not me. My love went un-proclaimed. In fourth grade, during our superlative voting, I was determined to be the quietest girl in the class. I never received the vote for the prettiest or most athletic girl but my lack of vocalization was fully acknowledged. And this stigma stuck with me throughout my primary schooling. In eighth grade, when the boys seemed to drool over everyone else, I was stuck being the quiet girl, the smart girl…plain old Nicole.
Going to a private high school with a whole new set of students provided me with the opportunity to break away from the “shy” label that had been put on me throughout my life. I made every effort to step out of my comfort zone and be extroverted. I spoke to people I never knew and made sure to speak up with my opinions. I made an effort to make new friends and, yes, I even flirted with guys. By the end of my freshman year I had a huge group of friends that all hung out together and I even had a boyfriend.
But as sophomore year came around, the façade that I had worked so hard to build up began to break down. My boyfriend and I broke up and I slowly began to realize that the friends I had surrounded myself with all summer weren’t really my friends at all. I only needed a few people who truly cared about me. There was no need surround myself with large amounts of people when I was perfectly content, and actually more comfortable, with just a few. By the end of my senior year, I no longer hung out with most of those kids from the beginning of high school, although I was still friendly with them. I had a few close friends and a boyfriend of over two years.
I had finally accepted my shy demeanor as a part of who I was, but did my best to keep it from being a deterrent in my life. I will never be that person who gains energy from crowds (I am actually more uncomfortable in them). I will never raise my hand without first perfecting my response. I can’t make friends as easily as some people. And I will most definitely always be nervous before I perform. But even so, this has never once stopped me from going to concerts, participating in class, trying out for a play or making friends. Instead, I have embraced my shyness and will now proudly proclaim that I am an introvert.