Perhaps if I were to create a definition of a soulmate when I was younger, it would sound like this: A soulmate is a knight and shining armor, someone who will sweep me off my feet, love me, and spend a lifetime of bliss together. A perfect fairytale ending.
Now, I know that isn’t necessarily true.
I wasn’t wrong, but I wasn’t right either. I believed that romance and soulmates were correlated to one another, prime examples being my parents and fairytales.
As an adult, I have learned that having a soulmate is more than just finding a partner and falling in love.
A soulmate is someone who deeply cares, understands, and accepts you, even with all your flaws and shortcomings. When you are with this person, you feel so connected to one another, despite your differences as an individual. When separated by various barriers such as obligations, work, or distance, the time you spend together feels too short. Nevertheless, you know that despite all the obstacles everything will be okay. You also know that you never want to let go of them, especially when it is a good and healthy relationship that you have built over time. Similar to love, it also comes in different forms and is complicated; it does not need to be romantic. At this point in time, this is how I would define a soulmate.
Looking back, my reevaluation of soulmates started when I had a conversation about this with my own soulmate. I don’t remember how or why this conversation began, however, I remember resonating with the idea that a soulmate is also about seeing and understanding the individual clearly and deeply; it is not only about the love and care between each other. This reminded me that romance is not the only form of love we receive in this world. On top of this, I do believe this was the moment I realized I had found my own soulmate.
Lucky for me, I didn’t have to look too far, since she is always with me every step of the way—literally. My twin sister and I are complete opposites. We fight constantly and make each other cry. However, we also love and care about each other very much, and support each other’s dreams and desires. If we are down, we comfort one another.
Some of my favorite memories of us are when we are at home, laying on our beds, having deep conversations with one another. At some point, she reminds me that it is past midnight and that we have to go to bed. I can be chattier than I usually am during the day; I’m a night owl. More importantly, we are honest to one another, regardless of how brutal the truth may be.
We don’t have twin telepathy and definitely need our own personal spaces at times, but she’s my favorite person in the world and I can’t ever picture my future without her in it. She’s my sister and my best friend. As all relationships, we have been on a rollercoaster and I’m eternally grateful that we have grown together and moved past difficult stages we encountered in our lives. We may be miles apart, but we know that this bond that we share is special and strong, as long as we continue to work on it together. I get her and she gets me. We are interconnected and separate simultaneously.
I am no expert at love, soulmates, and relationships, I’m only twenty-one years old. I hope as I grow older my definition of soulmates will continue to shift. I have a lot to learn and experience, and know that there will be some strife as well as joys as I continue to grow with each new day.
But for now, I do think that I at least have an idea of the essence of it. If love can come in different forms, so can soulmates. I don’t think there is one concrete definition, it will all vary depending on each person.
The idea of soulmates is not simple. It’s complex and nuanced.