Last month, I ended my first ever relationship with my now-ex-boyfriend. We dated on and off for seven months, our relationship best described as a “beautiful disaster.” We both cared very deeply for each other, and that feeling has not changed even now. Yet, while we would have the best good days, we would have the worst bad ones.
From the outside, our relationship seemed flawed and riddled with problems. Many of my friends asked why I stayed. I defended my relationship, claiming that it simply “wasn’t ready to end”; however, towards the end, I found that particularly hard to justify and we mutually agreed to end the relationship.
Learn from it. Move on. That’s the stated plan, and yet, it’s not so simple. I’ve ended the relationship, so now what? I still miss the connection I had with him, and I’m struggling with being alone, especially with Valentine’s Day rapidly approaching. And I’m certain that I’m not alone in this sentiment.
I’m sure there are many other women who are struggling with this same predicament, so I wanted to share some tips and ways of coping that I’ve utilized to keep myself in high spirits and move on from my relationship.
2.) Cut off communication. While it is okay to miss your ex, it is not a good idea to continue communicating with them. While it can be hard to go from talking to someone everyday to not communicating at all, it is the healthiest option. Following a breakup, your emotions are still heightened and raw. It is hard to communicate in a healthy manner. Both of you need time to process the breakup and the emotions that follow. Once you have both moved on, you can re-evaluate whether or not you can be friends.
3.) Spend time with friends. Now that the relationship has ended, you may be left feeling lonely. However, you now have more time to reach out to friends and build a better support system. If your previous relationship has caused you to neglect friendships, now would be the perfect time to try and rekindle those relationships. I have found that spending time with my friends has helped me realize the flaws of my relationship and keeps my mind off of my ex. It may not be possible to see friends in person right now, but even just calling someone can help.
4.) Start a new (or old) hobby. If you are unable to meet with friends, you can also occupy your time with a new hobby. Activities such as knitting, baking, reading books, or anything else that piques your interest will keep you busy and can be a creative outlet for your emotions. Personally, I have decided to dive back into photography.
5.) Talk to someone about the relationship. While it may seem self-explanatory, talking about the relationship can help you come to terms with everything. By vocalizing aspects of your relationship to someone else, it can help you identify the flaws and failures that led to the end of the relationship, and may remind you of some of the toxic aspects as well. If you are uncomfortable discussing this with someone, it can also help to write it down, privately. Sharing my struggles with my mom and friends has proved to be very healing and therapeutic for me.
With Valentine’s Day approaching, this has been a particularly hard week for me. With the general looming ideas of love and relationships in the air, I have struggled with feeling alone and missing my ex. However, I have simply had to remind myself that the relationship I had was not healthy, and I am better off alone this Valentine’s Day. It has been a hard pill to swallow, but I know that it is ultimately for the best. By keeping these tips in mind, I know I will be able to move on and heal.