A Letter to Myself for the Senior Year I Did Not Plan

Dear Olivia,

You thought you’d be in LA right now, living in a dorm on Sunset Boulevard, heading to your internship, soaking up the sun. Clearly, this is not the case. It’s okay, because you’re actually the happiest you’ve been in months. Maybe you weren’t ready for LA, maybe LA wasn’t ready for you. You have the perfect internship, you love it, and you worked so hard to get there, applying to over forty internships. This one is meant to be, even from your desk at home. 

So, be with your family. Go on those beach walks, those neighborhood walks, bake brownies. Watch movies with your dad and play games. See your friends from afar, admire yourself from up close. Fall back in love with your home, because who knows how much longer you’ll be living here. The room you spent years covering in pictures and drawings, you have started referring to as a childhood bedroom. You refer to your home city as “back home”. It’s starting, let it happen. You’re growing up, seeking independence, and it’s time. A year from now, who knows where you will be living? Could be California, maybe Boston, New York City, but it probably won’t be New Hampshire. 

This summer was weird, for many more reasons than the pandemic, but you came out of it a better person. This Fall, you are more confident, more strong, and more loving. It doesn’t matter what others tell you, no matter what it is disguised as, you know that who you are is constantly changing, but your values are not. 

At eighteen you were depressed, struggling to force yourself to go to your classes. You didn’t know what you were going to do other than “going to college”. You hated yourself, what you looked like and the person you were, and you just wanted to be someone else. Four years later, and guess what? You don’t know what you’re doing and it’s okay. Life is taking you somewhere and it is where you are meant to be. Loving yourself is hard, taking care of yourself is even harder, but you will end up where you need to be. 

Olivia of 2020, be yourself, be happy, never stop talking and never stop smiling, it intimidates people. You’re good, no matter what your brain says sometimes.

Love, Olivia