Confessions from someone in an actual healthy relationship. Here’s the thing. My first relationship was the opposite of healthy—it was toxic, abusive, draining, and all-around not good (especially for being my first). Cut to healing for two years, and then meeting my current boyfriend, I have found myself in a really odd position. I am in a healthy relationship. And that might seem like an odd revelation.
But the fact of the matter is, after learning bad behavior and patterns, being in a relationship that is positive won’t just make me unlearn them. I need to consciously be growing and correcting negative thoughts (thanks, therapy)! It’s kind of such an odd place to be because while I am learning to change and embrace my newfound healthy relationship, it is also bringing to light how abnormal and hard my last relationship was.
I have been with my current boyfriend for two years now, and I am still learning how to fully relax and trust. It is really hard sometimes, but his support makes it one million percent better.
I guess the point of this thought train is I want to possibly let others know two things.
1: It does get better. You will find a person who will look at your past and your present, your imperfection and wounds, and love you for everything you are and more.
2. Every relationship takes personal growth and work. Just getting in a healthy relationship does not fix everything. However, when you look back and reflect on the progress and happiness/stability/love you’ve gained and created for yourself, it is one of the best feelings.
I do not have everything figured out, and I’m still making mistakes, but if I can end this confessional I will do so like this: the first relationship after a toxic one will be extremely difficult interpersonally, but it will be one of the most rewarding experiences as well.