How to Get Ready for a Tinder Date

Days before, you set up a date with the cutest boy you could find on Tinder. Now the big night is here and you’re faced with the challenge of getting ready. Follow my easy steps to successfully make it through the night!

1.) Stare at the Tinder profile in question.

You need to make sure you’re still at all attracted to this person. Let’s be real, sometimes you match and agree to a date with someone only because they were the most attractive in the lot that swiping session. Once you’ve confirmed they’re still attractive, move on to step two. If you find they’re no longer intriguing, skip to step six.

2.) Shower, and shave everything.

This is Tinder, after all.

3.) Do your entire morning skincare routine.

You’ve just showered five hours earlier than you normally do, and you still have to go out and participate in more activities. This calls for a reset of your morning routine.

4.) Start your makeup.

Your roommate recently convinced you that doing your makeup first is way better than getting dressed first. For the first and last time ever, you decide to try it out. She seems to be decidedly wrong, doing your makeup first is just nonsensical.

5.) Text to confirm with your date.

It’s the polite thing to do. Text to confirm the time and place, the plan in general.

6.) Either cancel the date yourself or find that they’ve cancelled on you.

It is Tinder, after all. You’ll either finish your makeup to find that they’ve texted “Hey :/ I actually have an assignment due tonight… Raincheck?” or they’ll answer your confirmation all too excitedly and turn you off. Either way, you weren’t too excited about the date to begin with, and now you have a free night.

7.) Throw your phone across the room, take off your makeup.

It’s time to reset again—this time for bed.

8.) Redo your skincare routine.

The bedtime routine now. There’s no way you’re going out after all this. Your skin will either be dying or glowing tomorrow.

9.) See that they’ve texted, or text them to soften the blow.

Either the person has responded again, saying something along the lines of, “But you’re really cute and obviously smart, def want to reschedule.” Or you text them the same thing to make them feel better about the fact that you hate Tinder and are maybe bored of them.

10.) Feign interest in a raincheck.

You’ve been raised to be polite, you have to at least act interested in meeting them. You may, in fact, be interested in meeting them. But right now you have no care other than spending your night, decidedly not on a date.

11.) Put on sweatpants instead of your planned outfit.

It doesn’t matter that you spent twenty minutes picking the perfect winter date outfit, during those 25 minutes you were actually excited for the date. Now the date is off, you’re free to spend your night in sweatpants and your ugly high school ceramics T-shirt. Take advantage of it. Love it. Revel in the coziness.

12.) Make pasta, drink wine.

Again, revel in the coziness. Now you can get drunk in your own home rather than in a pretentious restaurant. Eat the pasta you’re great at cooking. Giggle with your roommate about Tinder and drinking, gossip about her dating life and your lack thereof.

13.) Watch John Mulaney, cause you’ll always love him more than you could ever love a Tinder Boy.

‘Nuff said.