Her Campus Presents: The Unconventional Oscars

 

I am a very devoted movie lover, but I’m afraid I was quite a bit disappointed in this year’s Oscar nominations. As a collegiette who supports equality in the media, it was upsetting to find that despite impressing offerings from female filmmakers like Katherine Bigelow and screenwriters Rashida Jones and Kay Cannon, all of the Best Director nominees were once again male. And with the exception of one co-writer, all the Best Original and Adapted Screenplay nominees were males. This collegiette suspects all the acting nominations would be male as well if the Academy didn’t specifically give the actresses their own category.

It’s a discouraging trend to be sure, but certainly a call to arms to all the creative girls out there who desperately need to infiltrate the Man Cave that is the Academy of Motion Picture Sciences. Until that time that we may have proper representation in the unisex categories, it is my honor to present my very own Oscar nominees. The categories may be unconventional, but I think Hollywood could use a little shaking up.

 

Best Picture That I Probably Will Only Pretend to See Before Oscar Night

Amour

Beasts of the Southern Wild

The Impossible

The Master

Lincoln

 

Movies That Can Now Say They Are Academy Award Nominated

Ted (Best Original Song)

The Pirates! Band of Misfits (Best Animated Feature)

Mirror Mirror (Best Costume Design)

The Avengers (Best Visual Effects)

Hitchcock (Best Makeup and Hairstyling)

 

 

Best Picture That Will Most Definitely Leave Your Soul Weeping and Broken

Les Miserables

Amour

The Impossible

Beasts of the Southern Wild

Life of Pi

 

People Who Should Have Oscars For Something And Don’t

Leonardo DiCaprio

Anna Kendrick

Michael Fassbender

Emily Blunt

Joss Whedon

 

That Sound Category You Fast-Forwarded Through

Wrath of the Titans

John Carter

Playing for Keeps

Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance

Think Like a Man

 

Django Unchained: Great Movie, Never Gonna Win

 

Best Picture Nominated For Best Picture That We Know Won’t Win

Django Unchained

Silver Linings Playbook

Life of Pi

Beasts of the Southern Wild

Les Miserables

 

Best Picture That Won’t Be Nominated Because I Enjoyed Myself While Watching It

Pitch Perfect

21 Jump Street

The Avengers

The Cabin in the Woods

Skyfall

 

Joaquin Phoenix: Too Cool for School

 

Nominated Actors Most Likely To Give Interesting Acceptance Speeches

Joaquin Phoenix, The Master

Jennifer Lawrence, Silver Linings Playbook

Tommy Lee Jones, Lincoln

Sally “You Like Me, You Really Like Me” Fields, Lincoln

Christoph Waltz, Django Unchained

 

 

That Other Sound Category You Fast-Forwarded Through

Dark Shadows

Battleship

Piranha 3DD

Tyler Perry’s Madea’s Witness Protection Program

Katy Perry: Part of Me

 

People Attending the Ceremony Who’ll Be Doing Passive-Aggressive Jealousy Clapping

Ben Affleck

Katherine Bigelow

Leonardo DiCaprio

Taylor Swift

Russell Crowe

Taylor Swift Cries on Her Guitar