A few weeks ago, my friend was telling me about the guy she’s seeing. In the midst of telling me what she knows about him, she mentioned that he has a sister. Almost immediately, she followed it up with “that’s a good sign.”Â
That got me thinking: What makes men having a sister a “good sign,” and why do some women consider it an automatic plus?
It wasn’t the first time I’d heard that sentiment, but it was the first time I heard it from someone I knew. Fortunately, we quickly reflected on how that isn’t necessarily true. When I asked her what made that thought cross her mind, she said it was because the people she does know that have sisters were either “put in their place” or overall more conscious of what women go through. She did amend however, that she’s met men with sisters that are still “raging misogynists.” Really, it could go either way.
There are a few reasons that people may assume a man having a sister is a sign of good faith:Â
- Whether explicitly stated or not, if the sister is older, she would’ve had a hand in his upbringing, therefore being another guiding woman figure, if he didn’t have one already.
- If the sister is younger, he might be more protective of her, and therefore the greater populous of women, too.
- He likely would’ve learned about things like periods and makeup from an early age just by being around them, thus making him knowledgeable.
- While he might’ve gotten dating advice from a feminine figure, the sister(s) could be more of a help in things like gold or silver jewelry, when flowers are expected, and texting rules.
It’s astounding to me the misconception that there is, and the unspoken expectation that is placed on these women that don’t even know whoever is seeing their brother. Of course, there are many more factors that can be included and discussed, but these tend to be the main ones. Overall, these are not one size fits all.
What it does do is beg the question of the responsibility of women and how we are viewed in relation to men. On one hand, parents play a huge part in how their children are raised. There’s no doubt about it. However, what falls in the unseen moments are how their children interact with their siblings in combination with the roles parents place on their children.
Whether they realize it or not, older sisters tend to fall into caretaker mode. This “role” doesn’t matter too much with which sibling she has, but it does matter how she feels she should be with them. I believe that either way, an older sister is typically nurturing and looks out for the best interest of her siblings. Where that can differ is between if she has a sister or a brother.Â
With a younger sister, there’s more room to bond for one, but also for the oldest to show the youngest how to navigate girlhood. With a younger brother, she might feel the need to guide him as well, with a subconscious layer to nurture him. In either scenario, the oldest sister is making up for what the parents are lacking in teaching, making them the third parent in many cases.
If the brother has a younger sister, it can go one of two ways, from what I’ve seen. Both routes involve semi-heavy teasing, but the first route has a protective side. This doesn’t always look like an overbearing male figure, but an observer, only speaking up when they feel there’s a real concern about something.Â
The second route is mostly indifference. They don’t particularly seem to care about their sister, or anyone in the family for that matter. When the sister is younger than the brother, they often don’t know much about girlhood, despite having other figures in their life from family, classmates, or friends. This leaves not a lot of guidance for their sibling, and if there is advice given, it’s logical instead of emotional.
This isn’t to say that the role of the oldest sibling is to become parent number three or the ultimate life guide, but that is to say that older sisters tend to consider a lot more when it comes to their siblings than older brothers do.
The idea that man + sister = boyfriend material is an indicator of what we view in society, as well as things we internalize. It’s interesting because, when you flip it around, men most likely aren’t thinking that it’s a green flag that a woman they’re seeing has a brother. They’re not viewing it as a type of merit, but rather what it is: a fact, a detail. Nothing more, nothing less. If they are thinking anything of it, it’s probably that they’ll either have to impress the brother or that he’ll have an easier time getting on with the brother than the parents.
When it comes to men, romantic prospects or not, it’s important not to assume they’re a decent person based on a fact or two. There’s always more to a person than what type of people they have in their life, and how they treat those people.