I started shaving my legs when I was ten, and my pubic hair when I was in 8th grade. That may seem young to many, and to others, it was probably right when you started. I started because a person that I had a crush on asked me if I shaved and I told them no. They told me that all girls do when they start to do stuff with guys. I believed them. I continued to shave all throughout high school and freshman year of college. I had two partners tell me that “it’s your choice” but that “I prefer girls who shave.” I unfortunately also fall under the category of women who have slept with people who either don’t go down on them or may as well not have. However, when one of the two aforementioned partners heard that I hadn’t shaved in two days (yes, two days), they kept my underwear on when they went down on me-yes actually pulling my underwear aside so they wouldn’t have to see stubble.
I’ve always felt extremely self conscious about my body hair. When I was younger, I would sometimes even shave my legs two times in one day. I never felt comfortable when I could feel stubble, anywhere. That led to not feeling sexy when I didn’t shave, which manifested in keeping myself groomed at all times, especially when I went to college. Freshman year I was very much apart of the hook up culture, exploring my sexual drive and orientation through having various partners; I never knew when I would be having sex. So I shaved three or four times a week. If I hadn’t shaved, no sex was being had.
I kept doing that until I realized something: the reason that I didn’t want my sexual partners to see my pubic hair was that I didn’t trust them. I didn’t trust them to not place judgement onto my body. If I couldn’t trust my sexual partners, how was I supposed to have fun during sex? Always wondering if I looked ok, if my makeup was smudged, whether or not I looked like I was having fun. Note: I was never getting off. Go figure.
Last semester I decided to try something. I decided to start growing my pubic hair out and see how my sexual relationships and my sexual pleasure changed. And oh boy, did it change. As soon as I knew I wasn’t going to be shaving, I stopped sleeping with the partners that I was sleeping with before. There was a dry spell, yes, but that meant that when it was over, I was sleeping with someone that I trusted and therefore had much more pleasure with. Sex is supposed to be fun and it finally was once I was comfortable with my partner.
Now, I’m not saying that if you aren’t getting off with your partner(s) now, that if you stop shaving your pubic hair you will suddenly start having orgasms. But what I am saying is that if you trust your partner to respect your choices, and you trust them to find you sexy however you are, you will find that the sexual relationship is more fulfilling and enjoyable for the both of you.