Friends come and go throughout the various phases of our lives, and while some stay forever, it’s only natural that we grow apart from those who only saw us as toothy elementary school kids or pimply teenagers. Back then, friendship values concerned who had the most impressive light-up sketchers or brought the good snacks to lunch. But the ones who deserve the highest of praise are the friends that stuck with you through your awkward middle school emo phase or that one nasty breakup you couldn’t seem to get over. It’s the ones who, regardless of distance or the pandemonium of an adult schedule, have always managed to stay in touch.
A couple of weeks ago, I met up with some of my friends from high school — and some of their art school friends — in their cozy new apartment. I’ve always considered myself extremely lucky that, despite being a few years out from high school, I’m still able to see many of them. Though, despite the proximity, shared time like this is few and far between. Between long hours spent in the studio, my stage five clinger relationship with my laptop, and all of our ball-and-chains, also known as jobs, it’s difficult to find time like this when it aligns with all of our schedules.
We spent the evening lounging out across their couch and collection of bean bags, watching music videos and screen-sharing images from high school onto the TV — a pastime that might seem ridiculous to some, but a tradition of social gathering that has carried on since our teenage years. Images of my bright red hair and all of our penchants for dark, bold eyeliner, photos in the art classroom where most of us took our lunches, and memories from prom, sleepovers, and trips to the local Chili’s flitted across the screen, much to our mix of embarrassment and amusement. And all I could think about was that I’m glad they’re still friends with me after once seeing me like that.
Even photos from before I was in their friend group, which admittedly sometimes filled me with sadness because I wish I had met some of them sooner. Then maybe so much of my high school experience wouldn’t have been marred by an unsure feeling of where I fit in. But now, I consider myself lucky to have known them, and to no longer feel like friendship is something transactional or a mysterious game I have to play. It’s little things, like sending each other Instagram Reels, or making lofty plans for that Japan 2028 trip that’s probably never going to happen. It’s declaring war on our evil exes and celebrating new beginnings. It’s “Hey, I miss you. Let’s talk soon, okay?”
Even with college friends, it can be easy to drift back and forth between best friends for lifers and those people you know from class. It’s the ones who always make the effort to see you — even if only for a quick chat in the dining hall or to be an esteemed member of your AMC A-List Entourage — that really make the grade. Because part of being a good friend is showing up for others, which is even something I’ve had to learn. You might not always want to go to that party, but you’ll be glad that you did.
And it’s been a nice thought to know that I haven’t felt like a second-choice friend in a long time. That making plans isn’t a one-sided operation anymore, and that I get to come home to a college apartment each day that’s full of people I love. I feel known.
It’s a long-standing joke in my group of friends back home that we’ll all get married to each other one day and live in a big house somewhere in the woods. And I wouldn’t mind that at all, to be honest. I can only hope that one day, my future partner treats me with the same respect, care, and admiration that I find in my friendships — and they’ve all set a pretty high bar.
I can’t wait to see all my dyed-hair and tatted-up friends old and gray and wrinkly in 50 years. Here’s to hoping we’ll all stick together a little bit longer.