I sit in my fifth Zoom session of the week as two of my classmates desperately try to get people to participate in the discussion they have to lead. These stretches of digital silence are a unique form of awkwardness: we all are supposed to stare at each other until someone feels uncomfortable enough to scrap together an answer. The truth is, I’ve barely been listening, and not on purpose.
Since abruptly relocating back home in New Jersey from Boston in mid-March, I have not been a fan of the so-called Zoom University experience. This is through no fault of my professors, who have all done their best in completely unprecedented circumstances. In fact, I’ve had one professor who has been refreshingly transparent about the effect that this pandemic has had on his ability to focus and prepare himself for class. Thankfully, I haven’t run into the situation of being more overwhelmed by work than usual—I haven’t had 30 discussion posts a week like some of my friends.
While my professors have done everything they can to bring the same learning experience to an online format, I’m burnt out: not just by school, but by the challenge of living in this chaotic world and being exhausted by the 24-hour news cycle filled with tragedy. Going to class and discussing literature feels like the last priority of things I should be giving my attention to.
I’m lucky to have a good family life, quiet space to work, and stable Internet connection at home, but this isn’t my ideal environment to work. I’m easily distracted even in the best of circumstances, and to have my routine completely changed isn’t good for my attention skills. I get good grades, so even when I’ve voiced my concerns to my sister at home, she’s questioned why it’s so hard for me. I don’t have any extreme personal circumstances that prevent me from focusing on my work, so shouldn’t I be able to get it done?
As we approach finals season, I want this to be a reminder that we’re all students trying our best in the midst of a global crisis. Even if your professors are accommodating and you have a distraction-free house, it doesn’t mean you’re still mentally and emotionally poised to do your best work. As a bit of a perfectionist student, this is hard for me to accept. Although Emerson has given us the pass/fail option on classes, it’s still difficult to completely use that as a crutch.
Your paper might not be its best, and you may miss a few questions on that exam, but that is completely okay. You’re not a failure for being unmotivated in these challenging times. My priority is staying safe and sane—and whatever you need to do to achieve that too is valid.