I love my family and the holidays but it’s classic and normal to get annoyed with them after so much forced family fun. If your family is anything like mine, it’s big and loud and although we’re always enthusiastic about spending time together, you never know what could happen. The holidays are a time to celebrate each other but is also known to be a time when issues can arise. Here’s a simple step-by-step guide to surviving your family this holiday season and may your family gatherings be merry and bright!
1. The three conversation no-nos
Typically, when we first meet someone and want to avoid conversational conflict, there are three conversation subjects one must avoid: Politics, religion, and money. I don’t know where this rule came from but it holds up. Unfortunately, these are hard things to avoid around the holidays. Since they fall post-presidential election, it is a stressful and complicated time. Odds are, these subjects will be brought up over family dinners, gift swaps, or cornered small talk with your Uncle Tom. Make it a point not to bring them up yourself unless you’d like to stir the pot.
2. Separate Yourself
Although my family and I share similar political views, I don’t want our celebrations to be muddled in speculative terror for the next four years. Money is also a stressful subject and religion is not something I think about very much. I will not bring up the three conversations no no-nos but if they are brought up, I try to gracefully separate myself from the conversation verbally and if needed, physically. The bathroom is always a go-to excuse! Nature calls! No one can argue with that! Say you need to call a friend to wish their family happy holidays. And being honest never hurts either. A simple “I’d rather not talk about this over the holidays” will suffice. Remember it is not your job to educate the masses on worldly issues. This is a practice of holding your tongue, which is hard for everybody. And if Great Uncle Jimmy is getting on your last nerve, shift the conversation onto someone else, and as a last resort, let him have it.
3. Mentally Prepare
Before traveling home, establish realistic expectations for the holiday season. After spending the majority of your life with them, I think it’s safe to say that assumptions can be made about what your relative’s beliefs are. Recognize who to avoid or what topics to refrain from. And again, if one of the “no-no” topics comes up, prepare a few counter arguments and facts for their claims. Make sure to keep composure while delivering your argument to alert your relatives that you’re not trying to fight with them, only voice your opinion, same as they are.
4. Build Your Happy Place
Sometimes separating yourself physically isn’t an option. Sometimes you’re crammed into a booth between aunts and cousins and it’s not possible to wriggle away. If this happens, as silly as it sounds, I will go to my happy place. A little dissociation is fine in this case, I think. If it will make your time go by smoother, I would suggest conjuring a little mind palace to escape to if necessary. Instead of bickering with your siblings, imagine your windsurfing in Bora Bora with the Rock…or something.
5. Find time to spend with friends.
Returning home for the holidays also means that you can reunite with old friends. This is another great way to compartmentalize family time and social time. It is a necessary and welcome break that everyone needs. Lean on the people close to you and remember that to be in the same place as loved ones is a gift.
Make sure you take time for yourself and prioritize your needs as this is a time for rest and rejuvenation. It’s also important to remember that holidays come and go. They might feel the same every year but something will inevitably change. Family’s will grow and shrink and nothing is guaranteed. Sure, they drive us crazy, but family is family. Lean into that holiday spirit as best you can with grace and love.