So what you’re not going to do while reading this article is immediately dismiss me because listen; I guarantee the caveman who first made fire turned to his buddy and said, “Hey do you think that I could make heat?” and his cavemen friend said, “Hell no, you’re crazy,” and we all know that the people hemming and hawing about the earth being flat were WRONG (you guys are wrong, I’m sorry, B.o.B.). Copernicus was ridiculed because he said the earth orbits the sun so these conspiracy theories about celebrities being dead and alternate universes are just like those great, old scientific discoveries okay!? Anyway, now that we’ve gotten rid of all the haters and skeptics, here are some literal true facts about the world we currently live in.
1. Paul is Dead
My middle school boyfriend introduced this one to me and that is all he left me. It was my first conspiracy theory, and I actually, genuinely will tell everyone I meet about this one because it is TRUE, guys.
The Theory
Okay, so essentially it goes like this – The Beatles were formed in 1957. They made some solid music together (from My Bonnie to Revolver). They gained popularity and first came to America in February of 1964. Then, in 1966, Paul McCartney suddenly died. Publicists, PR people, and the rest of The Beatles were so worried about backlash and fan reactions due to the band’s newfound fame, that they decided to cover up his death. They found a replacement that sounded just like Paul McCartney, gave him plastic surgery to really make him look like Paul, and acted like nothing happened. This Paul impersonator went on to perform and live as Paul from 1966 onwards. The Beatles began to dislike this Fake Paul, and left clues in their albums for fans – from covers to song lyrics to songs played backwards revealing hidden messages. When asked about these clues, the band members would deny their existence in order to avoid any backlash from their handlers. To this day, the man claiming to be Paul McCartney is, in fact, a fraud.
Why I Believe It
First and foremost, when you listen to the songs backwards it’s really eerie and will make you believe you can hear anything suggested to you. But also, I believe this theory because it means that the Real Paul gained notoriety for The Beatles, but he didn’t really create the fame that he is legendary for. The Real Paul was only around for 9 years of The Beatles stardom – so the Fake Paul is responsible for everything after 1966. That’s more than 40 years of stardom, of artistry, of creation, and of legend. THAT’S SO FUN. This Fake Paul has been famous and iconic for almost 4x as long as the Real Paul – so, really, this Fake Paul is more of a legend than the Real Paul McCartney ever was.
For More Info
Check out this article or watch Paul McCartney Really is Dead: The Last Testament of George Harrison, the movie that got me into this theory (I know that it’s labeled as a ‘mockumentary’ but whatever it made me believe the theory, so).
2. The Berenst(e/a)in Bears Multiverse
So, everyone and their dad has probably heard of this one but I DON’T CARE because I am all-inclusive to even the most newbie conspiracy nuts.
The Theory
Think back to your childhood. Do you remember watching (or reading about) a fun little family of bears as they experience a wide range of adventures? There was a dad with a brown hat, a mom in a turquoise nightgown at all moments, a sister in pink, and a brother with a red shirt. Now, think about their name. How do you spell their name? Berenstein? Yeah, me too! But we’re wrong. If you look through every book, every TV episode, no matter when it was produced, sold, or created, no matter where it was shipped to, no matter WHAT, it is spelled Berenstain. In fact, the people who CREATED the bears spell their name (the name the Bears were NAMED AFTER) with an A. The Berenstain Bears. Even my autocorrect thinks it’s wrong. So what happened? How do we all have this collective memory of the name being spelled with an E? DO NOT COME AT ME WITH ANY MANDELA EFFECT BS. The (real) reason is because we come from an alternate universe. Anyone who has a strong memory of The Berenstein Bears came from a universe called Universe E. Anyone who remembers Berenstain Bears is from Universe A. The theory goes that something happened in one of the two universes and they merged. However, almost everything was the same in both universes (people were the same, most situations were the same), but one of the few differences was how they spelled the name of those god damn BEARS. So either Universe E took over Universe A and one of the only things remaining are the A Bears and the people who grew up with them, or Universe A took over Universe E, and the people who grew up with the E Bears transferred over.
Why I Believe It
I believe it because I would literally have bet my life that it was spelled with an E. I also believe it because, if it’s true, that means that I have either replaced my Universe A counterpart, so I am the strongest of my alternate universe personality which satisfies my Star Trek nerd desires, or I was ~chosen~ by the universe/nature/space goddesses to switch over to Universe A which means that I was born in an ALTERNATE UNIVERSE which is dope (or I was, again, stronger than my Universe A counterpart and BEAT THEM OUT OF THEIR OWN UNIVERSE). Either way, it means that I am cooler and better than every other version of me in every other alternate universe!!! And that’s the highest form of self-love I can think of.
For More Info
If you need more Universe E vs Universe A info, or feel that your multiverse whistle isn’t quite wet enough, check out this article.
3. Avril Lavigne is (Also) Dead
This one is fairly new. It’s believed to have been started in 2012 by a blog written in Portuguese, but it gained some traction recently on Twitter. Most evidence comes from her lyrics, shifting positions of freckles, and the way her voice and sound in general has changed. I have absolutely turned a few of my friends into believers about this one, so prepare yourselves.
The Theory
Similar to Paul McCartney, the theory goes that Avril Lavigne died an unexpected death in 2003, and was replaced by someone who continues to drop hints and clues in her new songs. However, this replacement wasn’t someone random who her marketing team found on the street – this replacement is someone Avril knew. Back in the 2000s, once Avril had gained some fame, she began to be followed by paparazzi constantly (which she hated because she is the OG Angst Queen), so she hired a look alike to walk around LA so she would be left alone by the paps. This look alike was named Melissa Vandella. After Avril’s death, the marketing people asked Melissa to replace her and live on as Avril to protect her fans (and continue to make money for the companies she worked for), and she agreed. However, as she began to miss her friend, and wish she could live her own life instead of masquerading as someone else, Melissa has begun to leave clues in her interviews, song lyrics, and general musicality as a cry for her fans to notice the shift.
Why I Believe It
Look, like every “reformed” Emo Kid, I used(?) to be obsessed with Avril Lavigne. Her old songs are bops, she was a songwriting LEGEND, her voice was grungy and angry and I identified with her so HARD. But then she went so downhill and so suddenly. Melissa may have been doing a good job for a while, but after Best Damn Thing there was no reason to listen to her music or follow her career. And I would much rather blame that on her being replaced by a less-talented look-alike who ran out of any song lyrics Avril left behind (or a poor girl calling out for help!) than acknowledge that people change and our idols will all disappoint us eventually.
For More Info
This is the twitter thread that changed everything for me and here’s an article if you’re looking for something less twitter-y.