Almost every girl knows of the unspoken rule to never text a person you like back immediately. And, honestly, I didn’t get it until I was on the other end. If you text back right away, it makes you seem desperate, crazy, like you have no life, etc. No one wants a “lonely hermit crab,” to quote my friend, as a boyfriend or girlfriend. No one.
And, while I must admit that the whole “wait double the time they took to text you to text them back” is a little passive aggressive (aka, a lot passive aggressive), I think that there is a certain balance between responding a week later and responding so quickly that you don’t even have time to check for spelling misakes mistakes. So, without further adieu, here are 5 things you should and shouldn’t do when it pertains to response time with crushes.
DO:
1) Consult your friends
Your friends are there for you through thick and thin and I’m sure you can think of a few that will easily fangirl over your latest crush. Plus, it gives you a chance to talk about how you met them and why you like them, which not only a great bonding method for you and your friend(s), but a super easy way to take up time and to reaffirm yourself on why you like them. Plus, it helps for later situations because you don’t have to explain everything over again to ask for advice.
2) Try to do homework
So, this one is hard, but sometimes when I try to tell myself to not text back immediately, I find that I never define when immediately passed and end up responding in 4 minutes instead of 3. Their text can be great motivation for shorter assignments, if you say you won’t text them back until you’re done with xxx. And, you get homework done in the process, which is always a plus. Warning though, you must have some major self-control for this tactic or “after I finish writing this page” can change to “after I finish writing this sentence.”
3) Formulate a response
I tend to overthink things, so this one is normally my go-to because otherwise I will send something that makes no sense or facilitates no response and then I will regret it later. Don’t fall back on this one constantly though, or you will find yourself not able to hold up a conversation in person and/or he will start to like the you portrayed over text.
4) Take a shower
I have long curly hair, meaning my showers are pretty long and give me time to distance myself from the situation, whatever it be, and really think. Something about the hot water burning off my skin really let’s me decompress…and do #3.
5) Watch Netflix
Most shows nowadays are a good 45 minutes long—or at least most good shows. That is a perfect amount of time to distract yourself from texting them back and from #2… your big pile of homework. Just be aware that some shows where you don’t necessary have to pay attention will make it easier to text them back. Stick with something like Sherlock for the full “off the grid” effect.
DON’T:
1) Surround yourself with them
Believe it or not, you are your own person and so is he. Going head first into a relationship isn’t necessarily bad, as long as you don’t loose yourself along the way. Especially with a crush—someone you are not dating currently—, you must keep who you are. Keep doing what makes you happy and don’t make your entire life revolve around them. Some of the longest and best relationships I’ve seen involve two separate people who have their own life together, but also are involved in things by themselves.
2) Stalk their social medias
This is a big no no. Not only is it disrespectful, but it removes the fun of them telling you about their life. If you already know they had a girlfriend 2 years ago who they dated for approximately 5.3 months, then, when they tell you, you might not respond as needed or it might not seem as important of a confession to you as it does to them. Now, I am completely and utterly guilty of hardcore stalking guys I like, especially when they don’t text back immediately, but it has either done nothing to improve our relationship or has hurt it in some way. Trust them to tell you about everything you could find out on social media.
3) Talk about them nonstop
News flash, you had a life before you met them and you will have one no matter if they stay part of your life or not. Don’t annoy your friends and family by only talking about them. Its one thing to have a crush, but quite another to have an obsession.
4) Apply the “wait to respond” rule to every text
Sometimes, it is okay to text back immediately. If you always respond exactly 20 minutes or more later, they will think you’re not interested, which would definitely give the wrong impression. Again, there is also a balance to this. Trust your judgment. If they text you about something important, don’t wait to respond. If it is a chill thing, by all means, give it some time before you text back the answer.
5) Start every conversation
If you are the first to text every morning, then they will start to expect that you will carry the load if it ever comes to a relationship. Be patient and give them a chance to hold the reigns, too, even if it means waiting a bit longer to text back than normal. You want to seem available, but not desperate.