Love Shouldn't be Toxic


Humans, you should never settle for a partner, period. Point made; the article can be done now right? I’ve noticed a pattern among some people that I am friends with, and even within myself, that we settle for a partner that we think we deserve. If you struggle with mental illness it is easy to think, they have mental illness too so I should be with them, even though they’re a bit toxic. Or just in general, this person pays attention to me so I should choose them even if they’re not what I truly want. People with mental illness tend to flock to one another, and sometimes it works out great, and you can grow together and become better. However other times it doesn’t work out, and the other person is toxic for your mental health, and you become worse off. Not everyone who has mental illness is toxic, you just have to find someone who will help you be better. I am NOT saying that you should not be with someone who has mental illness, or that everyone with mental illness is toxic. I am saying to be aware of toxic traits and to be aware of what to look for. Sometimes people can make your mental illness worse, and I am speaking from experience because I have been in two relationships where my mental health got so much worse. I have depression, anxiety, PMDD, and some OCD traits; and every day I work hard to make myself a better version of myself. Then, I tend to find people who are also suffering with mental illness, and I try to “fix” them for lack of a better term. It is a super unhealthy trait that I have, and overall, I was worse off with them. I try to make them happier and make sure that they knew how much I loved and cared about them, even when it is at a depletion of my own mental health.

This is why I think that love is so complicated, because I have been burned by love before, and my love was taken for granted and exploited. While you may love someone, you have to be aware of the red flags and always remember that you should not be taken for granted. Do not let someone take your heart, and your love, and have them take it for granted. I have been burned by love before, and it makes me scared to love again because I don’t want another broken heart. I can’t handle having another partner who doesn’t take no for an answer when it comes to sex. I can’t handle being told that they’re going to kill themselves and make me watch every single time that we have a fight. I can’t handle manic episodes where their parents won’t take them to get help when they can’t help themselves. I can’t handle the emotionless, uncaring behavior, because they don’t show emotion. I can’t handle being put on the back burner, and them going to a formal dance with their friends, instead of their girlfriend. Side note, what the fuck, I look hot to trot when I get all dressed up, but ok take your friends to a romantic, formal dance. Them choosing to go to a soccer game by themselves, instead of talking to me when I am the most upset I have ever been with them. You need to always remember that you deserve someone to treat you like the wonderful person that you are. 

Right now, I’m not saying that I’m in love, it’s definitely too soon for that, but I am with someone who is good for me, not manipulative or unemotional, etc. He genuinely cares about me and is teaching me what a healthy relationship should look like. He is treating me well thus far and is motivated to make himself better, supports me, cares about me, and makes me a priority in his life. Even though he is super busy, has a full-time job, is going for his master’s degree, he still manages to spend time with me.  It’s so strange to me, to have someone care and put effort into a relationship with me. Being with him has made my life better, because he motivates me to be a better person, and is helping me on my journey. This relationship is not one-sided, I don’t feel the need to “fix” him. You can’t fix someone who doesn’t want help, or in general, you can’t “fix” anyone, don’t make them a project. Also, don’t stay with someone because you’re scared that if you leave them, they may do something. So, my message to anyone reading this, is that you don’t have to settle with someone just because you suffer with mental illness. Also, definitely do not try to “fix” someone, which is unhealthy for both parties involved.