Let’s start off this by defining something: having anxiety and being anxious are two different things. One more time for the people in the back, having anxiety and being anxious are two different things. As someone who has been dealing with anxiety issues her whole life (only to be finally diagnosed at age 13), this is something near and dear to my heart.
Keeping that in mind, here are something you should probably not say to someone who has anxiety:
“Just breathe”
This is just like telling someone with asthma to just breathe. You CAN’T. Anxiety attacks are different for each and every person, but sometimes you literally cannot get enough air into your lungs for no reason at all. It’s not that we don’t want to breathe, we just physically can’t.
“Same! Going to present my paper the other day I was so anxious”
No. no no no no. You got anxious because you had to present something in front of lots of people for a grade, that’s normal. That’s a healthy amount of anxiety, that means you care. Anxiety is having your hands shake, your heart rate goes through the roof, feeling like you might actually pass out at just the thought of doing something that is considered “normal”. One time my heart rate was so high after running into someone in the hallway that my fitbit registered it as exercise. THAT is anxiety.
“You’re just overthinking it, stop stressing out so much”
Would you tell someone that has a broken leg to just stop being in pain? No because pain doesn’t’t work like that. Same thing, I cannot just stop being anxious. I cannot just stop my hand from shaking. I cannot ‘just’ do anything, this is a disease just like physical diseases which prevent those afflicted from doing the things they want to do.
Some things TO say to someone who has anxiety
“What are your triggers?”
Triggers in the mental health concept (as opposed to how people have started calling people who are angry “triggered”) are usually seemingly small things that will heighten someone’s anxiety. Sometimes the triggers make sense, sometimes they don’t. Sometimes you don’t know something is a trigger until it happens to you. Try to remember what your friend’s triggers are and avoid them as much as you can.
“What can I do to help you when you’re having an attack?”
Again, everyone is different. Some people need you to hold them and talk about anything and everything else as a distraction, some people need you to not speak but just hold them, some might need you to just be there. If you’re friend doesn’t know what they need, please don’t be frustrated with them, try to understand that they wish they could tell you how to help just as much as you want to help.
Hopefully these tips help you help those in your life who need it!