I have always been an avid reader. I have vivid memories of going to visit my uncle and putting two or three books in the car to read. I read anything I could get my hands on, from Nancy Drew, to The Babysitters Club, to my absolute favorite book Utterly Me. I was always reading. When I got to middle school I didn’t read as much, but I still loved it. As a freshman in high school, my love for reading was kicked into overdrive. I was never seen without a book, and my love of literature exploded. My teachers were always telling me to stop reading, and pay attention in class (sorry about that).
I chose to become an English major because of the profound impact literature has had on my life. However, like most of the world would agree, 2016 has sucked. It’s been bad on a personal and global scale. I just haven’t wanted to read as much. This set me into a bit of a tale spin. I had come to identify myself as a reader. It was like losing a part of myself. At first I just thought it was a book hangover (that feeling of not wanting to read after you read a really good book), but I couldn’t seem to pull myself out of the slump. Every once in a while I would pick up a book and lazily read through it, but it just wasn’t the same.
I’ve been doing some soul searching trying to figure out who I was if I wasn’t a reader. At first it felt like I had let everyone down. Not only did I identify as a reader, other people identified me as that. This lack of reading affected my writing which affected my overall happiness. This is why I have readers guilt.
Falling out of my book palace made me realize how much the world needs literature. How much I need literature. Ariel Bisset made a video about not having enough time to read, and it put things into perspective for me. She had been facing the same burned out feeling. Life is exhausting. Sometimes it is hard to find the time to read. I remember watching this video and feeling enlightened. I wasn’t alone, someone else was having the same problem.
After waching this video, I began to ask myself why it was important to me that I read. I found the answer in a simple quote inspired by C. S. Lewis, “We read to know we are not alone.” That’s why I read. I read to know that whatever is happening, I am not alone. I read for the sense of community. The most caring and passionate people are readers.
So I have readers guilt. I am guilty because I go to Barnes and Nobles and buy more books when I haven’t read the ones sitting on my shelf. I am guilty because sometimes instead of reading I click next episode on Netflix and feel no remorse. I am guilty because I haven’t made reading and writing a priority. But do you know what the best part about literature is? It is forgiving and welcomes me into the fold, not matter how long my absence has been. J.K. Rowling said, “Whether you come back by page or by big screen, Hogwarts will always be there to welcome you home.” I think that applies to all literature. I have readers guilt, but I’m working on forgiveness.