10 Savage Things Critics Are Saying About Fifty Shades Freed

*NOTE: This post contains Fifty Shades Freed spoilers



1. Can sex, referred to here as "kinky fuckery," really be this dull, this sanitized, this devoid of human interest?   Rolling Stone

2. "This is a film in which one of the more emotionally detailed performances is given by a product-placement Audi."   The Telegraph

3. "To her credit, (Dakota) Johnson actually turns in her best Shades stuff here, as Ana puts a haughty architect (Arielle Kebbel) in her place and finally calls Christian on his legion of personal issues. Too bad it’s not enough to save everything else about this whole silly affair’s fumbling climax."  USA Today



4. "[Fifty Shades Freed] might provide escapism for undemanding couples looking for Valentine’s Day entertainment or members of hen parties who’ve drunk so much chardonnay that their critical faculties have been dulled. As storytelling, though, it is flaccid and inert. Director James Foley has made some decent thrillers in his time but simply can’t find a way to whip up any dramatic interest here whatsoever."  The Independent

5. "There's plenty of porn in Fifty Shades Freed. Dress porn, jewelery porn, travel porn, car porn. Unfortunately it's a tad light on the glossy soft-core kink that catapulted the books and then the films into the mainstream. Instead, the final chapter of EL James' Twilight fan-fiction wish-fulfillment saga is an idiotic mess that comes with a distinctly nasty aftertaste that no amount of ice cream on the inner thigh can shift."  Digital Spy

6. "Clearly they’ve run out of ideas, and are desperate to pad things anyway they can. At one point, (Jamie) Dornan even sits down at a grand piano and plays “Maybe I'm Amazed.” Hey, imagine how audiences felt." NY Daily News


7. "The good news — and, yes, we are grading on a curve so steep that it’s essentially a vertical drop — is that Fifty Shades Freed is marginally less retrograde and offensive than Fifty Shades Darker. The bad news is that it is even more idiotic, which is in its way a remarkable achievement." —The Atlantic 

8. "It's a relief([Dakota) Johnson is now free to brighten up better projects that are more worthy of her talents. We'll never forget the challenges that were thrown her way in these films, not just physically." Chicago Tribune

9. "I like to imagine that, years from now, when Dakota Johnson has taken her rightful place among the most beloved actors of her generation, she and her friends will similarly gather to cackle over her breakthrough roles in the Fifty Shades movies—how they showcase a gifted actor trapped by the staggering limitations of her material, muddling through as best she can. On their surface, the Fifty Shades movies are erotic thrillers; viewed through the lens of Dakota Johnson’s considerable talent, they’re hostage videos."  Vice

10. "Unbelievably, the spectacle of (Jamie) Dornan and (Dakota) Johnson using each other as ice-cream bowls ranks as only the second strangest scene in 'Fifty Shades Freed." Herald Sun


Fifty Shades Freed is now in theaters.