Being a girl, believe me, I’m surrounded by the worry of weight. Whether it’s an instagram picture that has appeared on my newsfeed, showing off someone’s latest ab progress, constant girl-talk about ‘no-carb diets’ and ‘gymming’, or even the moment I experienced just yesterday, when my skirt button literally popped off me, it’s almost impossible in today’s society to not wish your body wasn’t yours.
With clothing sites and stores consistently segregating the larger lady in separate plus-size sections, Starbucks listing the calorie content of every single one of their drinks, and the average fashion model being nothing more than skin and bones, there’s no doubt that we are trapped in a world where weight’s made a big issue and the desire, or perhaps, expectation, to be stick-thin, is as prominent and painful as ever.
In fact, according to beat, a leading UK charity offering support to those suffering form eating disorders, more than 725,000 people in the UK are affected by an eating disorder. Only 11% of those are male.
It is about time that women stopped worrying about their weight.
So here at Her Campus Durham, we’ve been talking to girls who have previously suffered with an eating disorder, to show that none of us stand alone when we look in the mirror and wish for a change.
They shared their experiences…
‘I spent two years of my life trapped within an eating disorder. They were genuinely the darkest days of my life and the disorder ate into every aspect of it. I had no energy to socialize, do extra curricular, I struggled sleeping and meals with friends were out of the question! No pound lost was good enough and weight loss was no longer a goal for me but an obsession. Every time I looked in the mirror, no matter what others told me, I saw a girl who wasn’t good enough and starving myself became the way to combat that.’
‘It wouldn’t matter how many times people told me I was too skinny, I was always fat. Always trying to lose weight. I would hate myself on a bad day. I never ever saw myself as too thin. The thinnest I could physically get was a state of perfection for me and putting on weight wasn’t an option. Even the thought of putting on weight frightened me, not in the way a spider does, but it was a deep-set, daunting fear.’
‘I battle this mental disorder every day and each passing moment is a victory as I continue to embrace every aspect of myself, the good and the bad, appearance and personality wise.’
One lady that we spoke to relayed her story:
‘I self harmed, every 20 minutes or so, just a space long enough to ease some of the mental suffering. I burnt myself with matches, lighters… I cut myself with razors. I was obsessed with the number 3, and this is evident when you examine my scars now.
I ran, walked, ran, walked… every day, hours at a time. Close to collapse.
I ate no more than say a ¼ of a bagel, half an apple, and if pushed, a small serving of soup.
The depression. Oh what hell… I didn’t bath or wash for almost 6 weeks. I locked myself in my room and would yell and scream if anyone tried to come near me.’
But she has fought and fought to keep her life and to love her body…
‘I am now 34. I am a full time writer. I walked away from mental health for a number of reasons mostly connected to following my trust in wanting to pursue being a writer. I remain fully recovered. I am withdrawing slowly (with medical advice and support) from all medication. I have been clean and sober for almost 18 months. In that time all mental health symptoms – Bipolar mood elements if mania and depression, remain in remission. The suffering from Anorexia Nervosa is a distant memory…
Recovery lives on in me and will continue to for the rest of my life.
It gets better. So much better.’
Fighting the ‘fat’ isn’t unknown to me. It pervades so many aspects of every day life, from the moment you wake up and decide what to eat for breakfast. There have been times when I’ve wanted to order a big fat slice of chocolate cake whilst out with friends. But because nobody else did, I felt I couldn’t, or else I’d be seen as the ‘over-eater’. There have been times when I’ve looked at a complete stranger and thought I wish I was that skinny, and moments when I’ve hated myself because I can’t fit into my favourite outfit anymore. I’m sure I’m right in saying that in these feelings, I am not alone.
But the battle to reach the ‘perfect’ body is ongoing.
The current obsession with ‘thigh brows’, big bums and voluptuous curves has infested the whole of the internet, with girls desperately trying to reach the curvaceous figures displayed by celebrities such as Kim Kardashian.
Whilst other girls are desperately trying to slim down to the skeletal structure of some of the world’s top models…
And others flaunt their apparently ‘faultless’ figures by lifting up their tops and flashing their abs…
But, as shown by these pictures, there is NO ideal female body. Curves or not, boobs or not, bums, bulges, flab or flat stomachs, there is no body that is ‘perfect’. We’re not mass produced Barbie dolls fresh out of the Mattel factory. We have different parents, different genes and ultimately DIFFERENT bodies. So celebrate your body and love it, for it’s all yours and only yours.
One girl who has suffered with an eating disorder spoke particularly powerful final words:
‘After everything I’ve experienced, one of the biggest lessons I’ve learnt in life is that we must accept what we’ve been given and learn to love ourselves. Don’t compare yourselves to others and strive to look a certain way because you are good enough, just the way you are. The only person you should ever try to be better than, is the person you were yesterday.’
Beauty has NO weight limit. And so, to every girl out there who’s been made to feel that they are simply a number, a certain amount of Ibs flashing on the scales, you are beautiful. It’s society that’s shamefully ugly.