This week at Her Campus Durham, it’s all about ‘Girl Confessions’! We decided to get down and dirty with one of Durham’s newest society’s…Kink society. We spoke to the president, and she confessed her love of kink, whilst encouraging us to give it a go too.
Who knows what could be going on behind our bedroom doors?
What is Kink?
Kink is a whole spectrum of things! It’s an umbrella term, that covers everything beneath the BDSM umbrella (bondage, discipline, dominance, submission and sadomasochism), fetishism, -philias, plus plenty of other things that don’t quite fit within any of those categories. Basically, it’s anything that goes against what’s considered by society to be sexually “normal”, whatever that is!
How popular is Kink amongst students? Or society in general?
It’s difficult to tell, since any research that has been done defines what is “kink” differently. It’s certainly more common than a lot of people expect. Alfred Kinsey, whose groundbreaking studies into human sexual behaviour in the 1950s paved the way for a whole host of sexological research, suggested that 12% women and 22% men reported erotic responses to sadomasochistic literature. More recently, in 2005, Durex conducted a global sex survey, suggesting that around 20% of people have engaged in practices relating to BDSM, such as using blindfolds or restraints, and 5% of people actively considered themselves BDSM practitioners. And this is even before the whole Fifty Shades phenomenon! So it’s probably more common than a lot of people would expect.
There are certainly BDSM communities and events held all over the world. Fetlife, the biggest online community, has nearly 4 million worldwide members!
(Sorry, I have a tendency to go a little overboard here, since I’m also studying kink academically for my dissertation right now!)
Why do you like Kink and why should we give it a go?
There’s a whole number of reasons why I like it myself. I enjoy the physical sensations of a whole variety of things, but more than that, it can be really beneficial emotionally for me as well. Particularly when I practice power exchange – it’s such a wonderful feeling being able to put your trust so deeply in another person, and to let go of any responsibility for a while; sometimes I can stop thinking altogether, which is even better!
Why other people should give it a go? Because they want to! There’s so many different things out there to explore, and people shouldn’t feel restrained (*groan*) by what’s considered “normal”, when there’s plenty of other things to try as well. It’s not everyone’s thing, which is also great, because where would there by any interest in life if everyone liked exactly the same things? But if it’s something that sounds like you might enjoy it, you might as well give it a go, so long as you make sure you do things safely.
Can it be dangerous?
It can be, which was one of the reasons we decided to establish the society – to give people advice on how they can go about things in as safe a manner as they possibly can do. There’s a chance of harm both physically and emotionally, whether you’re topping or bottoming for a particular act, and therefore we put a great emphasis on making sure people feel equipped with the right information to prevent harm as far as possible – everything from establishing safe words to technical and anatomical knowledge.
How did you first become interested in Kink?
I used to use a young writers’ forum when I was in my early teens, and had friends who used to write things with a variety of kink themes. From there, I began to use the Internet to research things a little more and find out just quite how much is out there, and then I turned 18 and started attending events in my home town.
What is Durham’s Kink Society all about?
We’re a group of sex-positive, open-minded people who all enjoy things which fall beneath the kink umbrella, and who want to find out more about them and get to know other people who have similar interests so it doesn’t all seem quite as strange as it might initially seem.
What of kind of activities do you get up to in the society’s meetings?
We run workshops, demonstrations and discussions on various aspects that may be covered amongst kink, focussing on techniques, safety and consent. This term, we’ve done a 101 introduction, rope bondage, power exchange and sensory manipulation, to name but a few. Next term, we’ve got things such as budget BDSM, kink in academia and wax play lined up!
Where do you meet?
Potentially in the same room you hold your seminar in…
What are different kinds of ‘kink?’
There are so many that I wouldn’t even know where to begin to list them all! Some of the more common ones that people might have tried are bondage, sensory deprivation (such as using a blindfold), role play, spanking or even using food. However, there’s a whole huge range of stuff out there. One of our exec members made an A-Z of Kink booklet, and the things listed in there range from anal play, to foot fetishism, to humiliation, to orgasm control. There are people who are into one thing specifically, such as rope specialists, or whose interests range across the spectrum of things there are that you can do.
Is ‘kink’ all about sex?
Definitely not! Different people get different things from it. For some, it’s sexual pleasure. For others, it’s a more emotional satisfaction. It can be physically enjoyable without necessarily needing to be a turn-on. There’s a large number of asexual people involved in the wider kink community as well, who gain as much from their own kink activities as any sexual person.
What was your first ‘kink’ item?
I was given a pair of beautiful silver metal cuffs from my partner after my A Level results, which I’ve still got today, though I’m loathe to use them because of how nice they are!
What is your favourite ‘kink’ item?
My collar. I started to wear my first one at the beginning of my first term at university, a black leather strap with a silver heart padlock. In May, my partner gave me a more permanent one, a silver chainmail weave, but retaining my old padlock. Both of us keep a couple of keys to it, just in case of emergencies, but it’s much nicer being able to wear this one permanently and not have to worry about taking it off to swim or shower. It makes me feel connected to my partner, particularly when we’re away from each other during term times, and is an outward sign of our power exchange dynamic and my submission to him. It’s also just really pretty, too!
Why should we not be ashamed to unleash our inner kink?
Because what’s shameful about consenting adults wanting to explore and do things they enjoy together? It’s interesting, exciting, and there’s always a way to learn something more!