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You Devil You: Eating out…after dinner

Ladies, you’ve been waiting for this topic for a long time.  I know.  I’ve been putting it off for a while so I could keep you interested, but we’re finally here: Cunnilingus, oral sex for women.  Yum.  It’s debatable about where cunnilingus should stand in the realm of sexual discovery and practice, some say it is an intimate act that should be shared only between monogamous partners, and others like to receive oral sex from their men on a regular basis.  But ultimately, if you’re comfortable with it, yay for you, and if you’re not, try again. 

Receiving oral can be a very empowering and exciting experience for a woman, it can bring her closer to her partner, and can cause a euphoric sexual stimulation unlike any other sensation that occurs in the bedroom.  We probably don’t get it as much as we should and we probably don’t ask for it as much as we should.  That’s just the way it is.  But for the amount of “blowjobs” that are tossed around freely these days, why not get a little more friendly with our clitori?…we’re asking, imploring you to deliver, males of the world. 

Whether you’re shy or you love oral as much as oral loves you, a little oral sex here and there and everywhere never hurt anybody.  So try it. Indulge.  Bring it to the top of your Christmas list and slip it under his door.  But first, there are a couple of topics that need to be discussed before you let your man head down south for the winter.

Men and oral sex:  Introducing your boy to oral sex can be an interesting experience.  Whereas women are born inherently knowing how to give a good blow job, men don’t know the first thing about vaginas…and to be honest it’s kind of hard so let’s give them a break. Take out the diagram that you stole from your gyno and go through each of the parts of your beautiful butterfly, educate him about your crevices, and then let him get a little hands (but mostly tongue) on.  At first he might be terrible (beware of those teethy guys) but this is finally your chance to take control, this is all about you, so make sure he gets it right. 

Some men really enjoy giving oral sex, and this is normal.  The female anatomy is so interesting and unique, how could he not be generally enthralled and intrigued?  However, some men like it so much that they’ll do heinous things to get it.  This is a syndrome, a disease called “Men who want to give you oral on the first date.”  If you find yourself in this situation where you’ve casually gone out to dinner with a guy, you like him, he’s cute, he’s charming, he drives you home and you casually find yourselves fooling around on the couch and suddenly he’s going way too far down your stomach with this mouth and all of a sudden he’s actually going down on you, first be startled, then do some hard thinking. You realize that you’ve only made out with him for about 10 minutes before he’s started making out with your vagina and you should, right about now, begin to panic.  10 minutes of exploring his pie hole is not enough to know where it’s been, whether he’s trust worthy, whether he’s special, worth another date, worth another minute of your time, and certainly not enough time to be sure you want to share a bite of your carnal treasure with his mouth.  Suddenly his scratchy stubble that gave him that scruffy, manly look at the dinner table is scraping your girly parts raw.  Suddenly his soft lips are engulfing you, suffocating your own delicate pink lips down there.  Suddenly his tongue is no longer in your mouth but in places you haven’t even dared to go in a while (what? Its been a dry spell okay, don’t judge).  Just tell yourself, it’s okay.  It’s a disease and he can’t help it.  Then quickly remove his head from between your legs, tell him it’s been nice, and kick him out of your apartment.  No man should be going down on you on the first date, unless you want to suddenly find yourself married to Cunnilingus John, Cunnilingus Adam, Cunnilingus Matt.  If oral pleasure is the ultimate necessity for you, go for it, let some random human mouth that contains millions of random I-don’t-know-you-very-well germs go down on you like crazy.  But for the rest of us, get the hell out of there.  Perhaps I’m being too harsh, but I just want to know, what man wants to go down on a girl on the first date?  Maybe he’s got the right idea, maybe that’s marriage material, a man who wants to pleasure you immediately. Make the choice for yourselves ladies, just be prepared, they’re out there, and they want your vagina.

69:Whenever we talk about reciprocation and oral sex we must address the phenomenon of 69.  Let’s face it; it’s not all it’s cracked up to be.  It’s kind of awkward.  It’s really hard to figure out the right position.  Most of the time someone is either getting choked by an enlarged rod or getting smothered by a wet blanket.  But the weirdest part is having someone’s butt in your face at all times.  However it can be a fun way to feel both engaged and in tune with your partner.  What’s better than having to balance getting and giving pleasure simultaneously?  Nothing.  Words to the wise: be on top and if a guy tries to 69 with you on the first date, don’t even play nice, just run. RUN. RUN AWAY. Unless you’re into that kind of thing, I don’t know.

The point is, beware.  But also don’t be afraid to get there, to tell your partner you’re ready for them to orally pleasure you.  Just try to make sure you know him well enough to already know about his tongue ring so you’re not surprised when hard, cold, metal hits your vagina…unless of course, you’re into that sort of thing.
Image: http://i140.photobucket.com/albums/r27/oldgabbyhaze/rolling-stones-tongue-logo.png

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