There are few things that Duke students don’t love about Duke – but every college has its flaws. Here are a couple I’ve noticed:
Edens:
Duke People Hate Edens. In fact, I can’t think of a good reason why one would want to go to Edens. The closest I’ll get is Pitchfork Provisions. It’s far away from anything that matters and the way the buildings are configured make you feel like you’re in a labyrinth: like you need to answer a Sphynx’s riddle to find 3C or something. The last time I was there I could have sworn I saw the shadow of a centaur darting behind those useless covered picnic benches. Who even eats lunch over there? Edens is good for two things: being anti-social and playing hide and seek. There is just too much effort involved in visiting someone at Edens! No! I won’t do it! Come to West!
Durham:
Excluding Brightleaf Square, I have rarely heard someone enthusiastic about venturing into the city we live in. Anything that involves “going into Durham” is out of the question. In fact, I have reason to believe that Duke people are terrified of Durham. It’s almost like walking into Durham is comparable to wading into shark infested waters. Duke is an island and taking any step off the island will immediately end in mutilation of your body. Durhamites are hungry great whites ready to eat any Dukie who sets foot off campus.
Aristocrat:
Duke people love to hate Aristocrat Vodka. When watered down paint thinner is rushing down their throats, they just think about the $15 they saved and it’s all OK. But it’s oh-so-sophisticated. The first thing I think about when I look at that plastic bottle is pure class: kings sits around antique mahogany tables sipping Aristocrat and orange juice, savoring the nail-polish remover-like taste that people have loved for ages. Aristocrat Vodka is the kind of present that says: I have great taste, and so does this. But really, who are they kidding?
Other things Duke Students Don’t Like:
UNC
The New Housing Model
Waiting for the bus
Football
The Lack of Tailgate
East Campus
The popularity of the study rooms in Perkins
When E-print doesn’t work
The summer weather in Durham
Duke Parking and Transportation
Photo Source: http://www.durham.world-guides.com/durham_maps.html