I know there are many of you out there who wholly feel my pain, or can at least relate to it on some level. I have a lot of platonic guy friends, and they aren’t just acquaintances. Many if not most of my closest friends are, in fact, guys. I don’t hate my own gender (I love being a girl actually) and I don’t have “daddy problems.” I just tend to get along better with guys and generally prefer “bro time” to “girl time,” for whatever obscure psychological reason I’m sure someone could come up with.
That being said, as I’ve gotten older, hanging out with my guy friends has gifted me a whole slew of problems with that other brand of male I’m interested in: the more-than-friends male, be him of the hookup or the boyfriend variety.
The other day I had dinner with one of my guy friends at Au Bon Pain. He was a bit late and while I waited for him, a very cute boy approached me and enthusiastically struck up conversation. We talked for a few minutes until my friend finally arrived and greeted me with a warm hug. Upon completing this innocent embrace, I was welcomed by a look of shocked horror gracing the countenance of the cute boy. As my friend went to place his order, said cute boy waved his hands in the air, backed away, and cried out, “Oh my God, I’m so sorry, I didn’t know you were with him!” Inferring with a twinge in my stomach what he meant by “with,” I called after him, blushing, “OH. No, no, no, no, no. We’re not together!” But he had already been lost in the chaotic flurry of ABP’s dinner rush hour.
And just like that, my only chance at breaking this most recent dry spell vanished. Damn.
The problem of finding guys whilst simultaneously surrounded by other guys is virtually unavoidable. At parties- the number one place at Duke these days for anyone to find a hookup buddy or a significant other- no boy, emboldened with alcohol or not, is going to approach you and ask you to grind on him or even strike up a flirty conversation with you when the obvious assumption is that one of the boys around you must be yours. This likelihood of his making such an inference does not vary with the number of boys you are with, either. If you’re surrounded by many guys, the odds only increase that you must be paired with one of them. If you are with your one best guy friend, the inevitable postulation for any guy to make would be that you two are most certainly a couple.
Whoever told you that regularly hanging around more guys would increase your chances getting guys told you a cruel lie.
Therein lies the problem: you want to keep your bros, but you want some sexy man time in your life as well. So what’s a girl who wants to have her cake and eat it too to do?? I know that at least for myself, I would really prefer not to have any more of those exceedingly awkward OH. No, no, no, no, no. We’re not together! moments.
For now it’s looking like there are only two possible solutions to finding a man while still being one of the guys when I go out:
1.) Drag along enough girl friends with me when I’m on a man hunt, totaling to at least the same as the number of guys I’m with, so that the possibility of my guy friend(s) being romantically associated with my girl friend(s) instead of me is increased.
Or the more logical (and fair for my girl friends) solution:
2.) Just become truly “one of the guys” and grow “a pair” of my own, using that cockiness to empower myself to approach a hot guy and strike up conversation or ask him to dance myself.
Ugh, sounds terrifying. Wish me luck? I’m sending some your way now. And if you have any other ideas for solutions let me know and comment below!