I couldn’t tell you if it was the 27 times I’d seen Legally Blonde 1 and 2 or the millions of “Greek” TV marathons I’d delighted in as a pre-teen, but by the time I’d arrived to East Campus last fall, I was certain I was going to join a sorority. I soon realized that sorority life at Duke wasn’t about peppy college girls giving each other mani-pedis in the middle of the afternoon in a McMansion. Yet, I knew I still wanted to be a part of a sisterhood. I knew I wanted the cozy girls nights in, and the crazy girls’ nights out. I wanted the support and friendship.
During the two weeks of Recruitment, it seemed like the only thing anyone at Duke could talk or think about were bids and aspects of Greek life. The nerves and anxiety were palpable. I, however, somehow floated through the recruitment process- only to experience a sad awakening on bid day.
As I approached my recruitment counselors on Bid Day 2012, the twisting knots in my stomach told me that I didn’t want to open the little envelope staring me in the face. All of a sudden, I feared that sunshiny sisters and girl bonding was the last thing I had signed up for. I knew that I had made the wrong decision for me.
Later that day, I was surrounded by nearly 160 girls, but had never felt so alone. Everyone seemed to already know one another. Each girl was disinterested in making new friends, as if meeting new people and making new friends had nothing to do with being in a sorority. And on top of all that, ladies, I was PMSing.
How could I have been so stupid, so naive? I’d met some great girls during recruitment, girls I had genuinely liked and connected with. In my naiveté, I never questioned the authenticity of the girls I talked to during recruitment; I never questioned whether each “great girl” I met fairly represented her sorority. Flash forward to bid day. The more members I talked to, the more certain I became that I didn’t connect with these girls. And if I wasn’t going to be friends with the girls, what was the point of being in the sorority?
A simple enough question to ask, but not so simple to answer. My confusion and ambivalence on the matter grew over time. On the one hand, I’d wanted to be Greek for ages. Also, I had finally met a few girls who could make staying worthwhile. Not to mention I dreaded the possibility of informing the sorority that I wanted to leave.
But after skipping (what I now realize was avoiding) so many mixers, formals, and pledge-class lunches, I could no longer deny it. This sorority just wasn’t the right fit. These weren’t girls who I could genuinely become friends with, much less become “sisters” with. Finally, I decided to get real with myself, do away with my fear and hesitation, and make the right decision. I left my sorority.
Whenever people find out I left my sorority, their next question is always “Will you do recruitment again?” Call me crazy- though it’s unlikely, I’m not completely discounting it as a possibility. It isn’t that sororities in general aren’t a fit for me, but that the sorority I ended up in didn’t work out. If I do go through recruitment again, though, I’ll do it with stronger eyes, sharper ears, and a keener sense of exactly who I am.
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