“That’s not very ladylike, Sarah.” Growing up, I heard this phrase repeated to me over and over, whether it was my first-grade teacher chastising me for how I played too roughly on the playground or my mom’s shocked response when I said that one of my classmates “freaking sucked.” I may not have known what it meant to act like a lady, but I definitely knew which behaviors didn’t quite make the cut.
We teach our daughters to grow up to be ladylike, but what does that even mean? Sitting cross-legged while sipping tea and nibbling quietly on scones? Wearing dresses and staying clean while the boys, being boys, play in the dirt? Learning domestic skills like cooking and cleaning so that one day we can teach our daughters to be ladies as well?
Whatever the definition, one thing is certain—we want girls to grow to match some kind of already established standard of femininity. While for me, that norm was often a little fuzzy, changing depending on the situation, with the rise of social media, the standard has become very clear. For one, femininity correlates with beauty and body image.
With the prevalence of social media has come the pervasiveness of unattainable beauty standards. No longer are tall, slim yet curvy women with flawless hair and perfect makeup just a thing of beauty pageants and fashion shows; Instagram models are everywhere, often posting images of their beauty routines, hair tutorials, and fitness guides—all to help you become just like them.
Young girls don’t have to look far to find what standards of femininity society expects them to yield to. Open Twitter or Instagram and everywhere you look you’ll see women posing in little to no clothes, looking perfect, yet getting shamed for the smallest of flaws. “She’s too curvy.” “She has no shape.” “She’s dressed like a prude.” “She looks like a slut.” “She just wants attention.” Men do it. Women do it. Why do we insist on shaming women for being women? Why do we have such unrealistic expectations for what makes a female feminine?
If women who most closely fit the mold of femininity can’t satisfy societal standards, how is the average woman expected to be comfortable and confident with herself? It’s time to move beyond ideas of what it means to be ladylike, and raise girls to grow to be proud of the people they become, regardless of how feminine that is. Let’s expand the definition of what it means to act like a lady, to encompass the many incredible things women are today.