DISCLAIMER: By writing this list I am in no way, shape, or form asserting that I have already reached all of these steps of becoming a Madrileña. I am also not claiming that I will someday achieve complete Madrileñaism, or that I even want to. For example, my love for paella will never falter. Just like my passion for FC Barcelona will never be weakened by my time spent in Madrid (Visca Barca per sempre! Also, marry me, Piqué). These are just a few aspects of Madrid and Spanish life that I have noticed in my time abroad. Some of these items I truthfully have tried (and failed) to achieve, while others are much easier to grow accustomed to (see numbers 6 and 11). Hopefully you’ll be more successful than I have been at assimilating to the Madrileña culture.
1. You buy more wine than water. Because after all, it’s easier to find a 1 euro bottle of wine than a 1 euro bottle of water.
2. People on the streets ask you for directions. I’m glad I’ve tricked you into thinking I look like I know what I’m doing!
3. Guys attempt to flirt with you in Spanish, not in English. Honestly, I’m more excited about the fact that you approached me in Spanish than the fact that you approached me at all.
4. You’re suddenly the biggest Real Madrid fan to ever exist. Of course it makes sense to buy a Ronaldo jersey. Probably should get one for Isco too. And maybe Sergio Ramos while you’re at it. And f*ck Barcelona.
5. You’ve realized paella really isn’t that special. It’s just that rice dish we eat for lunch every Sunday.
6. Sangria. It’s a way of life. That is all.
7. You now pronounce wifi as “wee-fee.” And you ask for it in every bar, restaurant, café, and store you go to.
8. You’ve already thought about emailing the Shooters DJ demanding more reggaeton. Forget Blurred Lines and Avicii, reggaeton is the only real dancing music.
9. You’ve spent at least an hour on each of Kapital’s seven floors. If you haven’t, you’re doing it wrong.
10. You can go for a jog in Parque del Buen Retiro without getting lost. Because 350 acres really isn’t that difficult to navigate.
11. You’ve already purchased at least one coat from Zara. I mean, Zara is from Spain…so it theoretically should be cheaper…and it’s like kind of cold here. Sounds like enough of an excuse to go shopping to me!
12. Taxi drivers don’t take the long way to your destination. Everyone knows Americans are dumb and won’t realize if you take an extra 8 minutes to get to their apartment.
13. It’s called fútbol. Not soccer. The United States has had it all wrong this whole time.
14. Fútbol is the most important sport in the world. And Spain is the best at it. The second most important sport is bull fighting. (For your preference in fúbtol clubs, see #4)
15. You’ve seen more grand cathedrals in the last two months than you’ve ever seen in your life. They’re really cool and all, but you can only see so many cathedrals before they all start looking the same.
16. You don’t need to rely on Starbucks for your coffee or wifi. There are so many other cute cafeterías to choose from. Who wants to pay 6 euros for a coffee anyways?
17. You now pronounce “thank you” as grath-ias instead of grass-ias. Because the Spanish lisp is just so endearing.
18. At first you felt popular when 30 club promoters would ambush you to invite you to their parties. Now it’s just obnoxious. Just because you can get 3 shots for 5 euros doesn’t mean you should.
19. You’ve realized it’s easier to just stay out until 6am when the metro reopens versus taking a taxi home early. Need help passing the time until 6? See #9.
20. You’ve traveled all over Europe and have realized that Spain is the best country with the greatest culture. AND YOU NEVER WANT TO LEAVE.