How to Deal with a Crazy Roommate

So, you met your roommate online before getting to Duke. She seemed fine. She was polite when you moved in and showed you her good side. Now, here we are about a month into school and complaining about her is all you can talk about to your parents over Fall Break. Clearly, something is not right. Maybe she stares at you while you sleep, maybe she invites crazy druggie friends over who don’t even go to Duke, maybe she chased you down the hallway screaming “you’re a liar!” while you talked to your mom on the phone. (What? Never happened to me.)  Whatever the reason, you need to do something about it.
 

Of the various types of bad roommate dynamics, the most common is you do not like how she conducts herself in the room. In this case, you should talk to her first.  Never underestimate the power of communication.  So, it is awkward in the room and you are scared to talk to her. It will only get more awkward if you let it continue. Wait until you are both free and say something like, “Christine, it literally makes me want to kill myself when you eat all my food in the fridge” …or maybe not like that. Try, “Christine, I know we’re both really busy and it’s hard to find time to go out and buy dinner, but we should start making some rules regarding food in the fridge.” Then you can talk about anything else that may be bothering you.  If things escalate, talk to your RA and see if you can have a mediated discussion.  Don’t consider this immaturity or a failure on your part.  Talking to your RA is actually very helpful, because he or she can keep the argument from turning into a fistfight.
 
If your problem is that your roommate is controlling, the issue becomes harder to address. As a junior who has had four different roommates, I believe the worst roommates are the controlling ones.  There is nothing worse than someone who yells at you for accidentally dropping a book when they are sleeping at 3PM, or someone who makes a rule that you can’t eat in the room. Period.  Or, someone who can’t even handle your texting ring tone.  In this case, communication becomes a lot more difficult.  You need to let her know that the room is shared; you are not the dog living in her room.  Step up your assertiveness.  Tell her that you have some rules too, even if they may contradict hers.  Do not let her run the show. 
 
The third type of crazy roommate is the kind you think you will be friends with when you get to school.  You find each other online in the “Duke 2015 Roommate Search” group, start talking, and find the three things in common that you think are important: Does she go out? Is she an athlete?  What is her shoe size?  She sounds perfect!  The first couple of weeks of school are great.  You make friends together, decorate your room so it matches, and split the price of your fridge because you will be living together next year, of course!   Then it goes sour.  You take her in your car to a two-for-one shoe sale and she cries because you will not buy a pair of shoes so that she can get a discount.  She loses her phone in The ‘Dillo and forces you to lie with her and tell the RA and campus authorities that someone stole it.  She is bad news.  This is the stickiest situation: you share the same friends.  Do not gossip about her, everything will get worse.  You need to distance yourself from her slowly but surely.  Join some clubs (Link to Duke Student Activities and Organizations).  Duke is a large campus with many different people, and it is important to get involved anyways.  You should also talk to your RA, like I stated above. Mediated conversations with your RA make it easier to talk about your differences while keeping the conversation from escalating into something else.  You never want to end up in a situation where you are scared to sleep in your own room.
 
Lastly, if it does become too much to handle, you can always go online to the housing office website and get a re-assignment (Link to First-Year Housing Re-assignment Form).  Be sure to state all of your needs on the form because re-assignments are final.
 
*Disclaimer: Nothing stated above reflects any persons, living or dead.  This article was inspired by my college experience.
 
Photo Source:  http://www.filmofilia.com/the-roommate-poster-28524/