Do we ever get over our ex’s? The simple yet terribly frustrating answer is, “depends”.
However, if you’re looking for a more clear cut response then pose a more specific question like — how do I or can I ever move into the “friend” stage with an ex? Survey says… NO! Hell no.
I personally could not think of an unhealthier thing to do to yourself or your ex. If you are still in love with him it is sadly not possible. It is like trying to eat ice cream out of a bowl with a fork: it works for a little while it’s cold, but once the ice cream starts to melt — like your heart will as you start to spend time with your ex — your fork becomes pointless and you say ‘f*** it’, I want a spoon again.
I do not care how level headed you are or the amount of control you think you have over your mind and heart, your heart will always be the victor. It’s science and at one point or another we are all going to take introduction to love and struggle like it is Orgo. Parts will come easily and others wont. It’s life. The hardest part is accepting there will be no “friend” stage between you and your ex. It does not matter how you rationalize it, he are your ex for a reason. You can love him and appreciate the fond memories you have, but people will always come in and out of your life. You can’t try to hold on to what you had by staying friends because more often than not you or your ex will end up hurt again and become farther apart than before.
No one wants that. I don’t want that for you. I’ve learned the hard way. I realize people need to experience things for themselves at times, but this is one thing we can go without, like burning your hands on the cookie tray as you pull it out of the oven because you are too impatient to look for oven mitts. We knew it was hot. We knew we would burn ourselves, yet we still let ourselves touch it because those looked like the best chocolate chip cookies in the history of the world. Was it worth it? Kind of but not really because we burned our hands so badly we can’t even hold the cookies or pour ourselves a glass of milk so now we’re just depressed. Lesson learned, but I’m sure it’s still going to happen again.
However, if you happen to be a helpless romantic like myself and really want to make it work then my best advice is time. Give it time. Grow, mature, and learn about yourself and others. Even with time, do not expect or try for a deep friendship. Feelings linger, but being casual friends will be your best option.
So what have we learned? Keep your friends close and your ex’s out, which is great because now you have room for someone just as or even more incredible to come into your life.