The Dating Duchess: Beating Him

This is a multimedia article, meaning that it requires more than simple reading by incorporating other media to make its point.  So, before you read any further go to Youtube and type in “Nicki Minaj I’m the best” in the little search bar.  Click on the first video link and let it play.  Now you are ready.  Start reading…again.
 
Now, in any healthy relationship, there should be competition.  I mean, of course there’s always one of you that is more attractive, more social and more intelligent. (Obviously, you).  That’s just the way things go.  You are both in the relationship because you can bring different strengths, interests and qualities to the table.  Which is fine.  But a relationship can quickly become unhealthy when that competition between you and your boyfriend intensifies. 
 
As college students we are on the brink of the future, which might mean different things for different students.  Perhaps you aspire to sit in a cubicle form 9-5 every day, sometimes 4:30 on Friday.  Perhaps you see yourself running around on your cell phone and screaming at your personal assistant, whose name you never did have time to learn, like Ari Gold.  Who could forget the soothing sound of “LLOYD!!!!” that made an appearance in almost every episode of Entourage.  Perhaps you hope to be on the trading floor, divesting yourself of all morals and raking in a lot of cash.  Whatever your pleasure, competition is inevitable.  And when you’re in a relationship and you both go to Duke and neither of you has ever even thought of working at McDonald’s much less working as a teacher (gross), the competition is even more awkward. 
 
Maybe you’re both going for the same job.  Maybe you both want internships this summer.  Maybe he’s an engineer and you’re a women’s studies major or maybe it’s the other way around, and neither of you know exactly where you guys are headed.  Whatever the issue, you cannot lie.  You kind of want to be better than him.  You kind of want to beat him.  You kind of want to see him fail so that you can succeed even more. 
 
See, the problem is that as women we’ve been enslaved, pushed down and shoved around for years!  I mean, watch any episode in the first season (for that matter, any season) of Madmen and you’ll be fiery with rage and resentment.  This kind of inequality has left us with, even if we don’t want to admit it, a little tiny squirmy voice inside us saying, I WANT TO WIN. I WANT TO BE THE BEST.  Nicki Minaj is still playing isn’t she? Now you understand why I chose the song. 
 
Now even though this voice might pop up in competitions with our girlfriends, our sisters, our family, our peers, it also, and more horrifyingly, pops up when we think about competing with our boyfriends.  Secretly, every woman’s worst fear is that her boyfriend is more attractive and more popular than her.  Because then he’s likely to leave you and no boy should ever leave you.  So since we always naturally beat them in beauty and popularity, there leaves only one thing we could possibly miss.  Secretly, every woman’s biggest fantasy is that she will be more successful than her man.  That seems to be the only way a man can really beat us.  Don Draper won in the 50s but hell if I’m going to forgo my modeling career to sit at home and smoke a pack a day while watching the kids eat fish sticks.  No, no.  Today,I can be Don Draper whether I have a penis or not.  And there could be nothing better than leaning down to kiss my husband goodbye as I head off to work in the morning and whatever adventures that might befall me in the night.  Ah, dare to dream. 
 
He may be a man and he may have gotten an interview with whatever whatever stupid lame boring company in that random place but he’s definitely no Don Draper. And he’ll probably never be.  But you, you are a Joan Holloway.  You were a naturally born beauty, leader and head secretary—which today translates to CEO, Founder, CFO, Manager, WOMAN.  We’re a step up on them anyway because we have tons of things they don’t including people skills (aka boobs), style (aka Prada), and years of the reinforcement of feminism (aka sexual harassment lawsuits).  But real talk: you can win.  Nicki Minaj did it.  If a crazy multiple personality Barbie impersonator can do it, surely you can too!
 
So, whatever kind of woman you are, whatever major you’re pursuing, whatever future you aspire to, don’t let the men hold you down. Your boyfriend loves you and even though he already wishes he could be as cool as you, make sure of it by not letting the competition get to your head and above all, by making all your dreams come true.  Don’t compare yourself to your boyfriend.  It’ll be too embarrassing for him and you really don’t want to put him through more embarrassment when he already can’t even match his socks correctly.   And just think, if you both succeed at whatever you two are doing, you can transform into the ultimate female fantasy: the Power Couple.
 
Last summer when I decided to become a Power B*tch, I picked up a couple tools that have stuck with me, which I would like to share with all of you future Power B*tches of the world.  First, pick up a copy of Kelly Cutrone’s book If You Have To Cry Go Outside.  Read it cover to cover in a bathing suit on a towel, with moist sweat dripping down your cleavage on a hot day….the last part just kind of helps reiterate your superiority.  Second, if you lose your way or forget yourself, watch The City.  I’m not kidding.  It’s on Netflix and you can probably finish the entire season in a night.  It will also distract you from how depressed you feel.  Watch until you meet Erin Kaplan and then you’ll know that you have no other option but to be, the best.  And Lastly, Lady Gaga said in a feature in Cosmo, “Some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow their dreams. If you’re wondering which way to go, remember that your career will never wake up and tell you that it doesn’t love you anymore.”  I cut out the page of the article with that quote and it has traveled with me to and from all of the places I have lived and studied in.  Don’t forget to love yourself as much as you love your boyfriend and that means never forgetting to be your best.  And well, don’t get upset if you’re not there yet, just switch to the next Nicki Minaj song on her album, ‘Did it on ‘em’.  Enough said.
 
Photo source: http://blog.zap2it.com/frominsidethebox/mad-men-don-joan.jpg