Why We Deserve School Off for Halloween: A TED Talk (...kinda)

Alright folks, here we are again. It’s officially Spooky Season 2k18. Which means the various Ouija board, demon, and ghost stickers I’ve had clung to all of my property since the middle of September are finally becoming less of a concern to passerby’s. Now before we collectively skip straight to Christmas come November 1, I’d like to make a quick pitch on why it is completely ridiculous that the year is two thousand and eighteen and we still have to attend classes on October 31. This would make such a phenomenal TED Talk, but the fact of the matter is, I can’t upload videos to this forum (please feel free to voice your concerns, join the movement, and #GetShelbiAVideoFeature) so we’re going to make do and use a little bit of our old school imagination.

The lights are dimmed with a bright white screen in the background illuminating the TED logo. The audience chatters to themselves as you see a centered spotlight brighten on the stage just as the logo on the screen slowly dissolves into blackness. A hush falls over the crowd when a figure is spotted peering out of the wings of the stage. The crowd roars with enthusiasm as soon as the figure is revealed as yours truly and I emerge into the golden shower of light. I am dawned in a Party City quality black wig with a torn veil covering my powder white face and blackened eyes. Think Cady Heron ex-wife vibes.

Lights flicker from the front row and news crews turn on their cameras with their red recording lights cast a glow upon my intricately designed blood-stained white dress – it is aesthetically unflattering, but I don’t pay much attention to the halo of light and instead leave it to my legal team, Woods and Associates, to handle at a later date. As I attempt to settle the fanatic sea of patrons, some fainting in excitement, I raise my hand, clenching a spider-web engraved clicker and flick on a gaudy, mediocre 3rd grader quality PowerPoint visual.

 A devilishly confident smirk is pressed on my lips because I know with these words I am about to shatter any preconceived ideas present in the modern-day school system. The rules are about the shift. I dramatically wave my hands and click to the second slide.

I snap my fingers, producing an eerie cloud of smoke as the slide blinks to the next.

*whips and clicks to the next slide*

I drop to my knees, with a look of desperation, as I aggressively wave toward the final slide.

Thank you all for coming to my TED Talk. For all interested parties: applications are still open for those interested in dressing up as the Clyde Barrow to my Bonnie Parker this All Hallows Eve. Gender-bent submissions are accepted and highly encouraged. Please send all applications via messenger pigeon or etching stone.

But, for real now, having the day off for Halloween is something that everyone could enjoy. Not only would it give us all a much needed day-break during Midterm Mayhem, but it’s a day we can all use to decompress and let our inner kid run wild. Dressing up, eating strictly candy for a meal, and grouping up with some of your best friends to have an all-day scary movie marathon is not only great for an academic/social life balance, but it is equally as important for your mental health - college life is stressful, and everyone needs an outlet! Plus, it’s one of the only consensually agreed upon holidays that doesn’t have a religious backbone. On Halloween, it doesn’t matter what God you do or don’t believe – it’s just about coming together and letting your creativity soar. Not every holiday has to have a serious underlying concept to be deserving of a day off. So go ahead and close the post office, lock the classroom doors, grab your best masks, and spend this 31st without a worry of what is coming next. Just live it second by second. Happy Haunting!