It wasn’t until I was three years old when I visited the St. Louis Arch and met someone new.. my dad! Growing up from there, I visited him on alternating holidays and every summer. When I came back to stay with my mom, he was completely forgotten about because, well, a seven year old isn’t going to remember to call her dad all the time. As much as I loved my dad, I was too young to push for a connection. Besides, I was too busy with my mom, grandma, and auntie growing up. In their different ways they have always supported me and loved me throughout my life. I think a big reason for me not missing the hole my father supposedly left is the women in my life.
When visiting him, I really stayed with his parents, my Nana and Papa. Again, his absence was there, but, again, I was too busy focusing on those people in my life who were physically present for me. Beauty shop with Nana was almost every day, not to mention our long talks on the phone when she would call me to check in. To this day, my Nana still calls, and now that I’m more aware of others’ needs and my own needs, I try to call her, too. Sometimes, what a woman needs is another woman to comfort and care for her, especially a motherly figure. It feels great and improves mental health, at least mine.
Aside from my main three rocks in life, I was also supported by my other aunts as well as all the women teachers I had during this time. They all remained when I became an adolescent, and are still present to this day. Yes, having a main maternal figure to look for when things are rough is essential, but it’s also amazing to have so much support surrounding me from women who suffer from many of the same issues I do.
So, with a special shout out to my mom, my grandma, my auntie, and my Nana, I would like to thank the universe for blessing me (and the Earth) with so many amazing women to hold me up when men are supposed to bring me down. I may not have had a great father, but that didn’t matter when there were three amazing women at my mom’s house and another one at his home. I never recognized the absence until I was older, but even now that I do, I don’t feel hurt, just different from all those who can easily talk about their nuclear family dynamics. However, I never feel bad about this difference because it made me who I am today – another strong powerful woman in my life.