Given it’s Black History Month, I thought I’d reflect on the diversity summit that took place a few weeks ago. I attended a panel called “Radical Honesty, Resistance, and Self Care TWIs: Navigating the intersections of Race, Identity, and Patriarchy in these Challenging Times.” A woman from Colorado opened the panel with the three pillars of radical honesty:
- truth telling
- valuing personal experience
- accepting emotions
These three values led her on a path of becoming her most authentic self. When she brought radical honesty into the classroom the students loved it; to her “education is an identity project” and with radical honesty she can push others to expand their horizons. All five of them spoke, but I’ll highlight the two speakers who I thought were the most powerful and moving to me.
The first woman who spoke is part of the administration here at DU. She opened her monologue with a quote from Zora Neale Hurston:
“I feel most colored when I am thrown against a sharp white background.”
This quote sums up so eloquently how all the panel speakers feel at their respective jobs. She goes on to explain several times when she felt the most colored. She entered a meeting about creating more diversity on campus with six other white men, one of whom turned his back on her while she was speaking. Another time when a respected white woman in the office came into her private space and used the n-word repeatedly. It is in these moments that she spoke to necessity of radical honesty, resistance, self-care and most importantly sister-care. When the second incident occurred, several sisters came in with gifts of encouragement and another came in burning sage to help her reclaim the space after having it violated. With the help of her coworkers, her sisters, she was able to wake up feeling emboldened to go back to work despite being up against a sharp white background.
This monologue was so powerful to me, I’m shocked and disgusted that someone would come into her office and repeatedly use the n-word without hesitation. I can’t even imagine coming into work every day and facing a new emotionally draining challenge. For her and for others I may unintentionally be part of the sharp white background. I want to be even more cognizant of people of color and how my actions could make them feel excluded in a predominantly white space, like a classroom at DU. Her closing point was how through emotional wellness we can find collective liberation. This stuck with me because I can relate– when my spirit and personal wellness isn’t in line I struggle with other aspects of my life. Without doing inner reflection and self-care how can anyone be expected to help others to do the same.
She made me realize I need to watch out for my sisters of color and give them that support whenever I can.
The last gentlemen who spoke was the most eye opening to me. He first spoke of white guilt and the reason he felt he got the highest-class ratings was because of a term he coined: “Sadomasochism of white guilt.” This is white students’ inability to reconcile their shame and want to be “whipped by the black man” to feel as if they’ve been resolved of their race’s historical crimes. In this scenario he was the “dominatrix.” He mentioned how when teaching a class about multiculturalism his classes filled instead of the class of the white teacher because the white students wanted a black teacher to give them acceptance and forgiveness for not being black.
This made me wonder if I have ever acted in this way? Have my intentions to be an ally been misplaced? Have I ever said something instead of examining my racially-biased behavior? I think to truly tackle the issue is to accept that I, as a white person, with all my privilege, am inherently ignorant, and I may contribute to subtle racism unintentionally. I need to constantly learn without putting the burden of education on to people of color, which leads to his next point. He then spoke about how he often feels like “the help,” teaching, raising and affirming other people’s kids to the point of neglect of his own son. He’s put in positions to speak on black issues because of his “queer negro-ness magic.”