Mansplaining: A True Story Bruh

Don’t we all just love it when certain people, most often men, make the independent decision that they will proceed to instruct you, often patronizingly, on certain concepts that they may or may not know anything about?

Hi, I’m Manya, you may know me from the fun segments that Katherine and I write about makeup and other pointless things. But, here I am to now address a certain issue that we see plaguing our society constantly in this day and age. Mansplaining.

I decided that I wanted to approach this very delicate topic in an investigative manner. So, I proceeded to educate myself on the history of the word, as well as the action of mansplaining itself. According to a 2012 The Atlantic article (here) about the cultural history of mansplaining, my suspicions were confirmed: The word may be new but the concept is as old as society has been patriarchal. That is to say, there have been many recorded moments of a man trying to put words in a woman’s mouth, or make decisions for them, etc. (here, here, and here). But, alas, what am I saying? Just citing sources that don’t have any personal impact on our lives doesn’t quite do this pandemic justice.

I turned to the HC DU Staff and in order to create a narrative wherein our shrill, feminine voices can be heard over the forceful explanations of the stock market and the many uses for crescent wrenches. These are the three classic examples of a mansplainer. If you experience a situation similar to any of these, know that you have been affected and contact the correct medical experts to get the help you need.

 

April: “A guy tried to tell me about sexism, and that it isn’t sexist to prefer a female nurse and a male mechanic because females are just better at being nurses and males are just better at being mechanics.”

            This is a textbook case of, what I call, a Universal Splainer. Their MO is to explain real world events or concepts in a way that allows them to appear flawlessly brilliant in front of you, a beautiful woman. What they disregard in this scenario is whether or not they actually know any facts about the topic they insist on lecturing you about. The best way to deal with this scenario is to ask intelligent questions that will thwart their flow of consciousness (read: BS).

 

Claire: “BRO MANSPLAINED MY JOB TO ME YESTERDAY. Like homie you've been here two months. I have been here almost two years.”

            Claire experienced a case of a Jobsplainer. The MO here is to try to help you do your job more efficiently regardless of their level of experience and how it relates to yours. There is no regard for your sanity. If this happens to you, it is advisable to take a hot second to walk away from the situation and take 10 deep breaths and think of the reason you need this job (the money) and what you won’t get if you punch him (the money).

Alicia: “I work at an ice cream shop and had a man explain to me that I can't give dogs chocolate ice cream when I gave his dog vanilla ice cream.”

            This third example I like to refer to as the Anti Splainer. Why? Because they explain what would have occurred in an alternate reality based on your decisions or actions. In this example, Alicia did not make an action or decision that would warrant this guy to explain a totally different scenario wherein his dog was harmed by chocolate ice cream.

 

I too, personally, have been affected by this global pandemic. Just a few short months ago, a man who rang up my groceries (including a box of tampons) helped me realize that the American public school system failed me. Apparently, I am quite unaware at how a period works, or even how my body reacts to certain medications. It was enlightening to hear this man, an interesting cross between a Universal and Anti Splainer, speak to me about my body. I learned so much more about women’s reproductive rights through his detailed analogies and sympathetic scenarios. He really understood the pain that “only kinda painful” menstrual cramps can bring, and their effects on my productivity. He shared his credentials with me as he handed me my receipt: he had an older half-sister growing up.

Now, I just want to leave you with a few words to the mansplainers out there:

First off, uh, we see you. And we hear you, because if we attempt to ignore you, you will raise your voice until it is physically unavoidable for us to receive your words of wisdom. Humbly, on behalf of all those less fortunate than thou, I ask you to halt.

Secondly, before you are compelled to instruct us on how the world works, please take a brief moment to internally monologue your own speech. If you don’t mind receiving those words of wisdom yourself, and not speaking your uncensored mind won’t leave you with bodily harm, then please refrain.

And lastly, this one goes out to my ladies, the lives most impacted by this global phenomenon-- just act dumb. It won’t get them to stop but it’ll make it kinda funny and/or bearable for you.